What is the ‘on ramp’ to that conversation you need to have?

Challenging conversations are a big part of life, and are they usually aren’t particularly easy to navigate. The streams of thoughts in our heads may include:

What if they don’t understand?

What if they think I’m totally off the mark and am creating drama?

What if I upset them? 

What if they never talk to me again? Storm out? Quit?  

What if, worse yet, they tell others and my reputation is damaged? Or, if it’s a family member, what if the family “peace” is upended and our family gatherings are never the same again…?

Honestly, these are more tame than some of the scenarios I’ve been able to drum up that get far outside of these fairly normal “what ifs.” It’s challenging to approach a difficult subject with someone we care about. I have found this equally difficult in the work place, and at home. The good news is as I’ve gained experience and age, it is frankly much easier. Here are some thoughts on the matter:

1. You need a strategy. The best conversations are those that you have really given some thought to. The kind of thought where you take notes of the key points you need to address and actually role play them in your head with actual examples so that you can be fair and clear. Plan…. Bottom line is you need to plan!
2. You need to listen. I just read that the average physician listens for 18 seconds before interrupting the patient with their plan and two cents on their “illness” they came in for. The thinking is that we are all pretty much in the “18 second” category  in terms of our ability to truly listen. We need to go into the conversation with the intent to listen and then DO IT. I am not so good at this… It’s a work in progress, but it is valid and it shows respect and wisdom.
3. Always be kind. It is never necessary to be rude, cynical or even a hint dismissive in any conversation. It always serves us and others best if we go in with a heart of kindness. If you can’t do that, you should probably wait to have the conversation.

So, what are your “on ramps” to a challenging conversation? I can think of a few more, but these are a good place to get the conversation rolling. We’d all love to hear from you…