To Serve well

Serving with Excellence for a Life of Excellence

To Serve Well

A Summer Series: Re-centering on what’s important

One of life’s greatest pleasures for me is reading a book that makes me a better person. Sometimes it takes my mind on a journey that is new and different, but most often, it’s nonfiction for me that helps me more clearly understand both the simplicity and the complexity of our lives.

Shauna Niequist’s latest, “I guess I haven’t learned that yet,” delivers on all things making us better in pretty much every chapter. She, like many of us (okay…probably all of us) found her life disrupted in an unexpected chapter of their lives after moving from the Midwest to New York City. The depth and vulnerability she shares about all manner of issues, including new & old friendships, menopause, marriage, trying to be a great mom and all of the things that come as we grow and age is just what I needed. I think you might love it too!

As we are in this “Summer Series” topic of re-centering, I particularly loved her thoughts on finding inspiration… all in a chapter titled, “Put Yourself in the Path.” How on point is that?

“There’ a myth that (inspiration) is mercurial and wispy, that it’s floaty and unpredictable and you just cross your fingers and hope it lands on you at the right time. ‘Not true!’ Inspiration is my responsibility. It doesn’t strike like lightning. You can’t manhandle it or make demands of it, but you can put yourself in the path of it. You make yourself available to it.”

To me, one of the best products of re-centering is that inspiration…creativity and clarity often emerge! How can you put yourself in the path over the next several weeks? Can you make time to seek out nature? To watch the hummingbirds living their best lives, or stare up at the magnificence of an old tree? To stroll through a farmer’s market and ruminate on the lives of those who are literally sowing seeds and putting in the hours to ensure we have fresh produce? To find a nearby lake to simply stare and find your mind freeing up space? Can you coordinate an ice cream date with a friend or family member or grab a box of popsicles to share? Can you grab a glass jar and go find some fire flies to spark your inner child? Can you find a cool art gallery to get lost in?

What are some other ideas? I know everyone would love to hear them! I have some friends who recently went on cruises by themselves … What a brave and amazing thing to do! The one posted a pic on a hammock outside of her seaside room. How cool is that? Hearing all of the ideas alone inspires me!

Shauna continues in that same chapter, “What I’m learning is that in the same way we put ourselves in the path of inspiration, we also put ourselves in the path of joy…and sometimes frankly, it takes a little muscle… I no longer wait for joy to rise up unbidden, I put myself in her path every chance I get.” That resonates and is a wonderful reminder and challenge for us all.

Here’s to a summer of fresh thinking and renewed souls. I’m praying and cheering for you all!

Simple Thoughts Sunday: Sounds like such an easy question

I love long walks with my sons. I love to hear them share their life views and especially when they unknowingly reverse roles, and end up mentoring me. The above reference is from the popular tv series, “The Office,” which is old school now, but a favorite for many of all ages.

Today’s world allows us to stream pretty much anything and this show was an instant classic! Michael Scott, the infamous and inappropriate boss on the show is mentoring one of his team members with what seems to be a “sophomoric” question about where they want their life to go (Season 7, episode 5). My son then shared how he has used this with friends and teammates at work, when they are trying to make a decision. Should I take that job? Should I sign up for another degree? Should I move? Should I buy that newer car? Should I stop drinking? Should I stay in this relationship? Should I….? Life is faced with some pretty big questions almost every year, and sometimes many in one year.

What a great question to process through: Do you want your life to get better, worse or the same? For example: If I take this job, will I be better for it? What’s important to me? How about my family and loved ones? Will the decision be better for all impacted? If I don’t take it, will I be stagnant and in a non-growth mode and stay the same? Will I not be the best I can be for my family and loved ones? Am I limiting my potential with either choice?

Goodness, I love how he shared example after example of this simple exercise helping his friends by walking through this. I also think it is amazing that it came from what seemed like a simple episode of his favorite show. The simplicity in it is what is the most useful. The answers sometimes seem to be hiding and we wish for billboards and other “universal” messages that will help guide us in our lives, but often the answer is right in front of us.

I am going to put this in my phone and when I need to make my next decision, or am in a conversation with someone who is at a fork in the road, I’m going to suggest this as a life hack. We tend to complicate life naturally with our overactive minds, and any tip that helps us to remove the noise, I’m all in for! How about you? What decision do you have in front of you that might become more clear if you ask yourself this question honestly?

I hope your week is absolutely what you want it to be and that the sun is shining on your life right now. If it’s not, I’m praying with you for magical moments that move you back to your center!

Simple Thoughts Sunday: Boundaries are cool

Lysa Terkeurst spoke Thursday evening at an event I went to and shared a bit about a book she is working on right now. Lysa is the author of several books, but my favorite (and to me a must-read for all), is “The Best Yes.” It is always relevant for me and I think for most people.

She shared that she is working on the topic of “boundaries.” At first I thought, “I’m glad to be here, but that doesn’t really apply to me,” but when she shared the thought above I had to re-think my position. “Who HAVE I given level 10 access to who perhaps hasn’t even earned level 3? Who has access to my full energy and passion and does it even make sense?” (Especially in context of the information overload most of us have these days and the need to protect our energy and focus.)

So, whether it’s your boss, parents, siblings, in-laws, friends… who or perhaps even what have you given “level 10 access” to in your thoughts and/or actions? Level 10 as in the ability to take over your thoughts and drives your actions. Is there anyone or anything, that has this high access, but honestly they don’t deserve it? For one reason or another, they haven’t earned your full trust, or perhaps, their actions haven’t lined up as someone that always has your best interests at heart and aligns with your values and the legacy you hope to leave during your life.

To me, of her examples, the workplace experiences resonate the most. I can think of times in my life when I gave an inappropriate amount of mind and heart power to someone who frankly hadn’t earned it whatsoever. All in some type of ego-driven need to get approval. Why in the world do we do this? (Of course the harder ones are family. We automatically often give our family level 10, when (I can speak personally) that not in all seasons do even they deserve this level…)

I was thankful that in a room of over 2,000 women (and maybe a handful of men), Lysa spoke often of the importance of good counsel, friends and professional therapy when needed. The need to normalize mental health and the truth that every single one of us at one time or another need someone other than ourselves to navigate life was and is a needed and clear message. My guess is that her new work on healthy boundaries will be a best seller, as no matter what generation we find ourselves in, we can all use fresh thinking such as this on developing our best selves.

I can assure you that I will make it a practice now when I find myself overthinking a conversation or letting my mind otherwise go down a discontented path, to consider if whoever is bringing me to this place should indeed have this level of access. If I’m honest, I think I just might find some of these thoughts to not be worth my energy and that my level of “response” so to speak, should be at a much lower level due to the source. Here’s to more strong boundaries… higher energy, better relationships and living out our purpose with grace and badassery.

Have the best week ahead!

Simple Thoughts Sunday: Look back at the evidence. Pursing a lifetime of celebrations.

It was truly wonderful to be at my son Sam’s law school graduation this week. Nineteen years of school and he’s now achieved the goal he set for himself as a young boy. Our lives are made of our hopes and dreams, and in the process we are exposed to all manner of people, thoughts, experiences, fears and even magical moments that fill the gaps on the way there. 

I love graduations because they force us to reflect. They force us to hold the weight of what we or a loved one has accomplished. As we wait for the graduates to march in, listen to voices of those who have shared this journey, as a teacher, mentor or peer… and finally watch them boldly take the stage to physically accept their diploma, our minds have the opportunity to process the significance of the moment.

One of the speakers used the thought above in his words to the graduates: “Look back at the evidence.” He went on to talk how the process of law school had “unearthed capacities” they didn’t know they had. I liked that. It seems life is always “unearthing” capacities we have no idea we can achieve. How cool! This narrative points us to how important it is to consider where we have walked and how our day to day small actions add up and ultimately curate the story of our lives.  Look back at the evidence of your life and revel in where you are today.  

Pursuing celebrations early and often has almost always been a life mantra of mine. I’m thankful for this week’s reminder. It’s spring, graduation season and the ideal time to absorb, reflect and yep… celebrate. Cheers to anyone who is a graduate or who may be celebrating someone they love this month. May those moments be held tightly and honored as they well should be.  

The hardest job you will ever love: Mother’s Day

Sitting here preparing to write, I was a bit perplexed on where to focus – and then I fell upon Ann’s blog, which is simply magical if you ask me. I have so many authors I love, but Ann Voskamp has one of the most incredibly impactful & poetic voices of our generation. Here are some quotes on this topic of motherhood that truly are profound… good conversation starters (if you will) for today’s blog post.

“Parenting is never about how your kids turn out. It’s always and only about how you keep turning toward your kids and their Maker.”

She urges us to keep “turning toward.” I love that. My interpretation… to turn in, to lean in, to listen and take it ALL deep into our souls. (Try is really what I mean… try to listen to understand). To experience the full onset of the messy days and celebratory moments is really what motherhood is all about, isn’t it? It’s literally ALL of it: the tough conversations, the midnight hours of fever and illness, the conflict, the sitting together silently waiting for someone to speak, and sometimes shared tears (or silent tears). And of course the very best parts – the dancing in the kitchen or on wedding reception floors, traveling & experiencing our world together, the car rides to practice, the curbside coaching moments and the bedtime rituals that fill our homes with love. The most critical to me: the constant refocus of myself and the boys to their Maker. I have found that to be the single element of truth in everything good and every struggle. Re-centering…often daily on God somehow brings it all forward as growth and goodness if we allow it.

“The work of every parent is to give the best they know how now, and the work of every child is to forgive their parents the best they can now.”

Does that just resonate? We as parents do what we think is best in the moment. Sometimes we know within minutes it was not our most shining moment, and sometimes we don’t know until years later that our words or actions were an epic fail. Nevertheless, we live out the days truly trying to do the best with what we have in that moment, be it knowledge, resources or emotional capacity. Someday our kids will understand that… but not quite yet. We live in that gap generally.

And then there is this part of the child forgiving “the best they can now.” Here’s the thing I love about that statement, “The best they can now:” We all… in every time of our lives, have certain levels of capacity to forgive, to give, to love, to whatever. Our capacity ebbs and flows and is largely dependent on the strength of our spiritual life in that season of our lives. We must remember that we all do what we can for the most part. Forgiveness, therefore is essential for both the parent and child. Grace – early and often!

“Motherhood is never about training your children to be so good they won’t ever fall, it’s about letting them see you fall in love every day with a good God.”

If I don’t do anything else in my life as a mother, and hopefully some day a grandmother, I hope that they will see me fall in love every day with a good God. It’s something I am committed to and fully believe that all levels of good, stressful, scary and beautiful moments can be worked thru if we all stay focused on this truth. Being focused on God is central to Motherhood for me so far…. directing and redirecting ourselves and our children in the ways we know how.

Offering deep thanks today for my mother who in this season is the very best cheerleader and spiritual supporter. Also so much love to the many mother figures I have had in my life. God has always provided the most amazing women to step in and meet me right where I needed their love and support and I am forever grateful. If you get a moment today, reaching out to some of those would be a truly wonderful things for us all to do! Sending love to you all.

Simple Thoughts Sunday: What are your non-negotiables?

What brings you to full life? As in vitality, thriving and growing?

There is a business phrase we use a lot, “what is the minimally viable product/service (aka MVP) at this point in time?” That got me thinking: We all have to know what this is for us in our personal lives as well. What are we not willing to settle for? What are the minimum requirements we have put in place? Our personal non-negotiables…

  • Eight hours of sleep every night? Is that even possible? (Shout out to folks in my age range who just may be living through a season of sleeplessness… hormones and all of that jazz!)
  • Daily movement? What does that look like? Walking the dog? A 20-minute walk each day? (My latest is a 2-mile morning walk. I remember my grandparents did a 2-mile walk each day and that seems wise.)
  • Connection with friends or family? Calling mom or dad if you are lucky enough to have them still once a week or…?

Others streaming to the top of my mind…

  • Being rooted in my faith
  • Being mindful of saving enough for retirement
  • Being as healthy as possible so that I can hike, play, etc. with my future grandchildren.
  • Ensuring I have an activity creativity outlet – writing, sculpting etc.
  • Curating my schedule to allow for “white space” for my reading or doing nothing at all…

What are yours?

I read an article this week about how short life is. This one, by Robin Sharma, talked about how, at roughly 50 years old, you have about 25 Christmas’s left. That’s 25 opportunities to sit around the table with loved ones, 25 more Valentine’s Days to dote on your special love(s), 25 more 4th of Julys to watch the sky light up in celebration. Heck, we have more than 25 days in a single month and that doesn’t seem at all enough time to look in the eyes of those I hold near and dear.

Regardless of what time we think we have left in this world, each day is a gift and we have the power to outline our non-negotiables and act on them daily. There is proven strength in writing down our goals and so I hope some of you may find this a worthy exercise this week. There is no better time than the present to call out to the world the beautiful life you desire.

‘Tis the Season… Energy rising, building momentum and a “should” detox.

Who is so thankful for Spring? It somehow seems magical when the weather is “just perfect” or at least “near perfect” and you can put on your tennis shoes and get a walk in… You can almost feel the momentum of your energy building. The impact of getting outside and taking in nature is so important to our overall health and wellness that when the conditions make that possible, we should take the hint and get moving.

As many of you know, I am a Peloton fan, and specifically that of Robin Arzon. I find her to be just what I need with a balance of motivation, real talk and a bit more than a gentle push… all in the spirit of helping us achieve whatever is best for us. That’s important because she readily acknowledges that all levels and all seasons of life are represented in her virtual classes, and often encourages modification. Somehow I think it is really important that all of us know that in life – whether it’s in fitness, food, mental wellness, spiritual, financial…or “name a segment of life” – modification is important. Sure, I know personally that I need pushed out of my comfort zone, but overall, if I am going to sustain pretty much anything, I need to fully be able to “modify” without feeling bad, weak, or anything that’s not supportive (or else… I’ll just stop… anyone else?).

In a class I took last week, Robin shared that she was going on a “should detox.” How awesome is that? Simply, replace “should” with “can!” As in, replace “I should have had a salad, but the pasta on the menu is what they are known for, so I really just had to…” with “I can have the pasta, but it’s not in alignment with where I want to be right now in my physical health, so I am going to choose the salad.” Okay, so that was too easy, but you get the point.

Who wants to see their ENERGY RISE even higher this Spring? I am at the front of the line. Along with the beautiful Spring days and the endless opportunities we have to step into our power through healthy decisions… for example, the “should detox,”… we have all we need to get moving and inspire ourselves and each other to action. I’d love to hear your tips… I know my friend Michelle would say “play Pickle Ball as much as possible,” and Anaxis would say, “increase your water.” I could go on! It’s energizing to share ideas on a topic that brings us so much good. Perhaps this week, our goal could be to start our conversations by asking for others to share their tips. In doing so, we can literally raise the ENERGY and VIBRATION of the environment around us!

Have an incredible week my friends!

Simple Thoughts Sunday: Small daily turns determine our destination

The story line of how there is great power in being one degree off of “the” course continues to pop up in my reading. Here’s one that is really clear:

“In 1979, a passenger jet carrying 257 people left New Zealand for a sightseeing flight. Unknown to the pilots, there was a minor 2 degree error in the flight coordinates. This placed the aircraft 28 miles to the East of where the pilots thought they were. As they approached their destination, the pilots descended to a lower altitude to give the passengers a better look of the landscape. (Antartica…sounds pretty cool to me.) Although both were experienced pilots, neither had made this journey before and had no correct way of knowing that the incorrect coordinates had placed them directly in the path of Mount Erebus, an active volcano that rises from the frozen landscape to a height of more than 12,000 ft. Sadly, the plane crashed into the side of the volcano, killing everyone on board. It was a tragedy brought on by a minor error – a matter of only a few degrees.

Experts in air navigation have a rule of thumb known as the 1 and 60 rule. It states that for every 1 degree a plane veers off course, it misses its target destination by 1 mile for every 60 you fly. It may not sound like a lot, but as you saw above, the accumulated small error had tremendous impact.

One… two… three degree errors in our lives have the same impact. That is why I often find myself writing about course corrections, living lives of intention, etc. The great truth is that we can generally make “in-flight” adjustments, and I am thankful for that!

Through the Easter season, I read Ann Voskamp’s latest, “The Waymaker.” This theme seemed to carry this thought circuit of the influence our small habits and daily rituals have over time. One personal example I have found to be true is my morning routine. When you think about what makes a great day (which turns into a great week, etc.), can you identify what made it so? For me, it’s rooted in a fairly early wake up call after at least 8 hours of sleep, some type of brisk activity/walk/bike, etc. and time to cook up a couple of eggs, cut an avocado and spend 15-20 minutes in some type of devotional reading.

Here’s the thing: I find myself getting “off course” on that often. It’s quite simple and yet I see the impact when I get off course by a degree or two. How about you? Does this resonate?

I’d love to talk healthy rhythms. What are those that best support us during this season and how can we be more likely to stay committed and less likely to veer off course? Fewer course corrections please! I found Ann’s thoughts on habits a bit searing actually… “Habits are the way we dress in our deepest desires, and our daily rhythms reveal our truest romances. A habit of turning to Facebook before opening the Word… of being more consumed with news than the Good News, of turning to Hollywood’s stories to understand our own holy story, instead of staying in His Story…” While I wouldn’t readily admit – nor do I truly believe – that is wholesale truth for me, it must have something that I need to meditate on a bit and address. One thing I know for sure on this topic, is that I desire to live a life advancing good and to do that, I need to stay on course. I am so thankful to have this tribe to help me to do just that!

Have a wonderful week! A special thanks to my dearest friend Debbie, who asked me about my writing the other day. Writing is a really important “rhythm” for me, and she knew that although we have never really talked about it. I am in the middle of a relocation and also – that fun menopause mid life phase – and all in I’ve been a little off my game in this area. Friends, it’s important to encourage one another and I am so grateful to be writing again today thanks to Deb.

All kinds of powerful truth here: “I am not allowed to leave out of fear.”

‘Between Two Kingdoms,’ the absolutely astounding memoir of Suleika Jaouad, has too many profound thoughts to process probably in several lifetimes; however, the one above is all kinds of powerful. Her book is within the storyline of a cancer diagnosis in her early 20s that somehow seems to traverse through so many of the themes of our lives – those who have experienced great physical loss and those whose loss has come in other ways. There is so much magic in the beauty of her writing…it is like none other I have read. Her diagnosis, leaving her with clear wisdom and a desire to share it with the world. We all are so much better for it. (Just a reminder, that sharing your story is one of the most charitable and important things you can do in your lifetime. It is how we all rise above our tides… shared humanity. Please share yours!)

“…But I force myself to live by a rule: I am not allowed to leave out of fear.” … (In this case, she is on a solo road trip, a 100 day one.. trying to find herself after a long journey of one health crisis after another.)

The mind runs through so many possible scenarios here where leaving out of fear seems like a reasonable plan…

A tough physical challenge (and to be honest, sometimes even a harder than normal bike ride.)

A challenging season in a relationship… or better yet… entering a new “room” or relationship

Addressing optimal health & happiness (I know friends who won’t get a physical, colonoscopy, mammogram… see a therapist… all because of fear)

As you can see, I sometimes change out the word “leave” for “act” but in all cases, it is the same. Human nature is to run from what is not comfortable… to relieve ourselves of the perceived pain of hard conversations and pushing ourselves beyond what our simple minds believe we can achieve. We can often do so much more. Fear is the queen of lies, and often what holds us back from the best parts of growth and life.

It’s totally normal, and yet, we have to continue “moving” as my grandmother would say. Keep moving. Keep forging ahead. DO NOT LET YOURSELF LEAVE BECAUSE OF FEAR… A phrase I am going to tattoo in my mind. A real one isn’t a bad idea. I wish I had this truth much earlier in my life. I’m writing this for that reason. I am hopeful some younger folks as well might commit to this BOLD DECISION. What areas of your life do you find yourself having that urge to run? To get the heck out of dodge? To find a calmer pasture? When you feel that, consider making a commitment to yourself to be sure it is not due to a fear that you can possibly work through and perhaps be much stronger for on the other side. One breath and one step at a time.

Here’s to a strong week … a strong year… a strong LIFE. I am cheering you all on!

Simple thoughts Sunday: The wilderness taught David to see beauty everywhere

When my grandparents used to travel, they would come home and be so proud of their photos. They took the time to print them and put the pictures under those protector sheets for safe keeping and for display. At the time, I thought it was so boring – picture after picture of mountains, fields, and birds… I wanted more go-karts and less potted flowers, I guess.

My, how things have changed.

I’m not sure entirely if it’s age and wisdom, or how Apple’s iPhone has creates endless possibilities and opportunities to be creative. Maybe both! Regardless, I find myself mesmerized by the beauty in a yellow-breasted bird sitting on the fence, visiting me for breakfast. The soaring mountains, the painted deserts, the astounding perfect design of moss growing on a fallen tree on a long winter’s walk, and the aging hands of those a couple of decades ahead of me. So of course i take ample pictures of all of these things. As of today, I have 42,224 pictures, to be exact.

But back to my point: Beauty can be found everywhere. I’m sure my grandparents knew that those mountains and rivers of life had deeper meaning that they learned as they traversed their lives. What I know is that often the more painful and challenging parts of our lives seem to create a pause that offers us this incredible time to look up, look around and realize that once you get off of the highway, you find yourself surrounded by beauty.

I am so thankful for these moments – every last one of them. I’m grateful for the season I just left, which presented me with another opportunity to see God’s beauty throughout my life. I pray that I will use this to serve well in every day I am given.

I heard a message once that said you are either in the middle of a challenging season, just left one, or are headed into one. In other words: We’ve all been there most likely. Wherever this message finds you today, know that you are not alone. In fact, God has given us more love and beauty than we can imagine. Look around, breathe deeply and know that God will unveil all manner of stunning and extravagant love in so many forms when we are ready and willing to receive. In the midst of our adventures, let the simple bird pictures be plentiful.

Cheers to a wonderful week ahead and the ability to walk into the days with finding and serving up beauty at the top of our to do lists.