To Serve well

Serving with Excellence for a Life of Excellence

Growth mindset

Shifting our expectations can be a blessing in disguise

Rewind! This post is a throwback to December 2015.

Today I wanted to touch on the idea of shifting expectations. As we consider living out a life of excellence, we have some options. We have the power to make a simple shift in the way we see a situation in order to move forward in a positive direction.

I wanted to point something out here: Many people associate this concept with settling – big difference. Settling has a negative connotation and makes us feel like we lost somehow. Instead, consider that you’re making a healthy decision for yourself and everyone around you, and move forward! That is excellence.

My hope for this week (let’s take it one day at a time) is that you will shift along with me as our expectations overwhelm us. In this moment, choose to focus on joy. Not the rush, the hustle, nor the chaos, but on the beauty created in the moments that fill our lives.

3 reasons that managing expectations could elevate our lives

Boy, I’d love to be fishing right now… especially if it were, say, 70+ degrees.

Thanksgiving made this topic super current to me and perhaps it may help you too as we go into the holiday “season.” Here’s what I know: everyone has a different expectation of what life should look like and this is heightened during the holidays.

Some people hope to have the family in the kitchen with old and young kids alike, baking cookies and creating culinary creations that provide comfort and holiday spirit to the house. Some perhaps want “life as usual,” without a lot of fanfare. Some want the family to play games, or to load up in the family caravan in search of the greatest light displays. Some want to hide by the fire and watch Netflix or the football.

What I know to be true is that we all come in to our days with what is going on in our current lives and our own opinion of what would be the perfect experience.

There are three key points that I feel are obvious (but we can all use a reminder… especially  me!):

  1. Expectations are good because we all need to have dreams and know what would create happiness and joy for ourselves.
  2. Expectations are not good if they are not shared with those that may play a starring role in what you are hoping for.
  3. Expectations are best achieved when we are open and honest with one another and are also open to modify ours to meet the needs of everyone involved.

Sounds simple, right?

On vacations, we often have everyone go around and ask everyone what is one thing they really hope to do. I have never really thought about doing it on other occasions or maybe even a weekly basis but it’s something to consider for sure. We can certainly all elevate our lives by having healthy expectations and conversations around those! Food for thought today…

Freeing our minds to allow space for gratitude

I am all in on gratitude and the idea of wanting to feel it as much as possible. Sometimes I feel like this week each year we are supposed to “flip the proverbial switch” and get into a blissful attitude of deep thanks, as if it’s somehow automated.  With the hustle in most of our lives, this idea can seem a bit far reaching. The good news is that we can help ourselves out with a small dose of intention and action.

Did you know we cannot feel the full expression of gratitude available to us when our emotional and physical environments are filled with clutter? Yep, science backs up that “getting to gratitude” is challenged by the world around us. (By the way, that would be the world that we allow” around us, since we get to decide what we allow in our lives.)

So, as you move toward absolute gratitude, think about what you can eliminate… Whether it be the contents of the junk drawer or the high standards you have for yourself.  There are no doubt a number of items that can be stripped out in order to free up your energy, heart and mind.

Some other ideas…

Declutter relationships. Are yours serving you well?

Declutter the fears and anxieties that keep you up at night. Name them and claim them “gone” from your mind and, if necessary, make an appointment with a counselor to deal with those that you can’t seem to release on your own. (I have found that especially helpful.)

Declutter the frustrations of the past. Decide to allow forgiveness to yourself or others …and move on.

Declutter bad habits. The extra dessert, hitting snooze too many times, not keeping the commitment you made to yourself to exercise even on cold days and nights…

I know I have a few areas to focus on. I am looking forward to freeing up my schedule a bit so I can think and be mindful of what really matters to me… the people I love and who God placed in my life.

A shout out to those focused on personal growth!

First of all, apologies for the language choice. My perspective has always been that the appropriate use of a word should be acceptable as long as it’s not mean spirited… that is never okay.

THIS. This makes the point that needs to be made. To those on the relentless path to growth, a huge shout out to you today! You are brave and are right where you are supposed to be. Keep that mental focus and conquer it all. You are a warrior!

I’m sure most of you know that change is not something for the faint of heart. It’s not even close to easy for the stoic, the strong, the wisest among us.

You see, understanding the areas we need to grow in and then actually making the CHOICE to face them head on is real work. It’s the kind of work that might create some uncomfortable moments, and for many of us, a few tears. Tears are healing, though. A wonderful person once told me tears are how we cleanse our soul. I like that idea. To be a better person, to serve well, to grow in all areas of your life takes work and that work is the best kind. It’s in my opinion exactly what we are supposed to be doing in order to achieve our best self.

I’m cheering you on!

CliffsNotes, Spark Notes… Short cuts can be found in the stories of others

Remember those AMAZING creations that offered us a “short cut” through some tough reads in school? Circa 1986 we used “CliffsNotes.” My boys used Spark Notes.

As we all know, finding short cuts to learning how to deal with life’s challenges aren’t easy to find. I heard something recently that stuck with me, and that was that the stories of others are really the “Cliffsnotes” we often need. Ah, what a great reminder…the power of storytelling.

I love good storytellers. Whether it’s a terrific author, like Salinger’s ‘Catcher in the Rye,’ covering topics of innocence, identity, belonging and connection – or my father, who spins some pretty amazing tales.

We learn from stories. Taking the time to hear both those younger and older than us offers insights into how to better make decisions and gain wisdom. I mean, why recreate the wheel if someone has walked the path, and can share an easier route?

It got me thinking.

Who in my circle may have walked a path I’m currently on? Who may have already experienced the hills and valleys and be able to offer some context, ideas or answers to the questions I face? (This of course runs the gamut from work to parenting to life…)   

Who do I need to schedule lunch with to gain some perspective – some wisdom?

Who might you reach out to this week?

Let’s up our “wisdom” game this week and use the stories of others to help elevate our thinking!

Simple Thoughts Sunday: The power of the wait

This is a Christian truth.

Wait, maybe it’s just a life truth.

There is POWER in the wait. As we hold tight to our faith, and pray that God will reveal our “next step,” our “best next move” our optimal “way to succeed” in this life, we try to keep our faith strong and forge ahead with grit and hope. It doesn’t matter if the topic involves, school, career, relationships, finances, etc., it’s all the same… the WAIT is a real part of our lives. We endure the WAIT so we can CELEBRATE the “next” outcome and eventually become our best self.

Here’s my thinking today… we just HAVE to try our best to be optimistic, hopeful and even eager to see where God wants us to go next. We have to believe there is a “better” for us… A place that helps us to understand why we have been where we have, and where we are headed. A “next” step to fulfilling our purpose and allowing us to use our gifts, talents and resources to improve humanity all around us.

Here’s what I know… as a 50 year old, I know that my faith is what helps me endure the wait. My faith gives me all I need (although sometimes it is not pretty) to know that His plan is perfect and I’m headed in the direction I’m supposed to. I have truly found that I am strengthened during seasons of waiting and that I am better able to sustain and even prosper during “dry” seasons due to my knowing that there is a better plan… A plan much better than my simple mind can understand.

As you go into the week, know that if you or someone you love is in a period of “waiting,” that God has them right where they are supposed to be. If it happens to be you, I pray that you will be strengthened by this post and are able to realize that the WAIT is WORTH IT and before you know it, you will be STEPPING up to the next level.

You could have, but you didn’t… (Raising our level of awareness to achieving our best selves)

Hmmm… this question is haunting a bit, right?

You could have…. what?

Worked out? Made that call? Sent that note? Finished that project? Started that new company? Ate healthier? Chose to drink more water? Spent less time online? Read more books? Signed up for that class? Started the hobby you have always wanted to take on? Wrote down your goals? Sought out help for that challenge that keeps you up at night? Called that local government official to exercise your right to be heard?

The list goes on.

What is it about the nature of humans that we do not always execute on what we know we want, or need, to do? Is it time, fear, laziness, avoidance? Why allow the distractions to overcome our precious time?

I don’t have the answers… Dr. Google does, though.

Here’s my insight for today: We have been given this one amazing life. We can choose to use our gifts and talents, to put our heart and soul into action.

I worry we succumb to distraction so easily that we are marginalizing ourselves. I know I can do better. I’d love to hear other thoughts here…

Have a fantastic week!

Where do you want to end up?

For me, it’s all blue sky and blue water! (OK, really any kind of water. But dang, this pic is cool.)

Where are you headed? As in, for the next let’s say 81 days or taking us to the kick off of a new year? If that scares you, how about the next 30 days.

I had a great meeting yesterday with someone I’d say is a “co-mentor,” as in I get way more out of our exchanges, but hope I am helping her in some way. We talked about the need to really gavel down on where you want to be in this season – not the fall like season, but the season of your life.

Are you in a growth mode or a contentment mode? Are you ready to fire up the engines and move to the next level or simply rest? All seasons are good for us so there is no judgement wherever you may identify that you are.

For me, where I want to end up by December 31 can be summed up by a few key things…

I want to connect or reconnect as it may be with those people that I absolutely treasure but my work or life has not allowed for the time I desire. I want to elevate my work by spending more time on strategy development and execution now that I’ve been on a learning curve for for four months. I want to ensure I don’t lose sight of my physical goals to maintain a healthy exercise regimen, and mainly eating right in the midst of a very hectic season. Oh, and I think I better find some time to rest and truly reset at some point soon. (The whole blue water thing needs to happen.)

How about you? Where are you at today? Can you spend some time writing down what you’d like to see happen? The power of the written word is strong. According to a recent Forbes study, we are 1.2 to 1.4 more likely to accomplish what we take the time to write down. In the process you “encode” your hopes and are able to draw on these thoughts as you go through your days toward success.

I hope your weekend is purely wonderful. Here’s to smashing the heck out of whatever we all want to achieve in this season.

Iron sharpens iron

(Rewind! This post is throwing it back to an oldie, but a goodie, because you can never be grateful enough for the people you get to share this life with.)

I can’t imagine my life without those around me who sharpen me. It is one of the lessons I try to impart upon my boys, although, I know it is different for boys. They don’t naturally share with one another like girls do, but it is just as important for them. God designed us this way.

Today, I thought it would be a great time to just sit down and make a list of those that have sharpened me and when possible send them a quick thanks…

To the teacher that invested in my life, drawing out a young girl, inspiring, pushing gently, pulling at times, but always encouraging, thank you!

To my sister who was and is the one who has the hard conversations and who also celebrates life’s important moments with us, thank you!

To the gals in my personal tribe, friends from many groups… WOW… I am far better because of all of you, thank you!

To my mentors or mentees… I have learned an equal amount from each of them, thank you!

To my boys who have always pushed me to be the best version of myself from early morning feedings, to late night talks about college life. (I won’t give up on the whole “boys need to be in community too” part!) Thank you, boys!

Who has “sharpened” you, raised the bar, elevated your “game”? I bet they’d love to hear from you this week!

Conflict drives us to creativity

Boy is this statement true.

Conflict can be downright hard, whether it’s at business, at home or in our other relationships. Authors have made all kinds of money trying to help us mortal beings with “courageous conversations,” or to otherwise understand how to get better at this thing we call “conflict.” I love this insight from Beth Comstock, because it flips conflict on its head.

Of course it is hard, but can it end up being really good? Challenging conversations, problems and frustration can push us outside of our normal thinking. This “heat,” so to speak, seems to fire up our minds, and the energy can bring some of the most creative solutions. In fact, according to Comstock, there is proof to this insight.

Our goal should be to harness tension in order to put it into a space where it can become valuable to us by enhancing the end result. Most people truly do want unity and as a result will become more motivated to think harder and come up with an innovative way to reach a middle ground. This often will produce an even higher level of work together.

We shouldn’t run from conflict. We should instead create environments where the people in our circle of life feel safe to challenge and be challenged. By doing so and framing up healthy conversations, we can realize a much greater end result and who knows, the next great innovation may come out of the process.

Have such a great wrap to your week and enjoy the Fall weekend.