To Serve well

Serving with Excellence for a Life of Excellence

Family

Simple Thoughts Sunday: Look back at the evidence. Pursing a lifetime of celebrations.

It was truly wonderful to be at my son Sam’s law school graduation this week. Nineteen years of school and he’s now achieved the goal he set for himself as a young boy. Our lives are made of our hopes and dreams, and in the process we are exposed to all manner of people, thoughts, experiences, fears and even magical moments that fill the gaps on the way there. 

I love graduations because they force us to reflect. They force us to hold the weight of what we or a loved one has accomplished. As we wait for the graduates to march in, listen to voices of those who have shared this journey, as a teacher, mentor or peer… and finally watch them boldly take the stage to physically accept their diploma, our minds have the opportunity to process the significance of the moment.

One of the speakers used the thought above in his words to the graduates: “Look back at the evidence.” He went on to talk how the process of law school had “unearthed capacities” they didn’t know they had. I liked that. It seems life is always “unearthing” capacities we have no idea we can achieve. How cool! This narrative points us to how important it is to consider where we have walked and how our day to day small actions add up and ultimately curate the story of our lives.  Look back at the evidence of your life and revel in where you are today.  

Pursuing celebrations early and often has almost always been a life mantra of mine. I’m thankful for this week’s reminder. It’s spring, graduation season and the ideal time to absorb, reflect and yep… celebrate. Cheers to anyone who is a graduate or who may be celebrating someone they love this month. May those moments be held tightly and honored as they well should be.  

The hardest job you will ever love: Mother’s Day

Sitting here preparing to write, I was a bit perplexed on where to focus – and then I fell upon Ann’s blog, which is simply magical if you ask me. I have so many authors I love, but Ann Voskamp has one of the most incredibly impactful & poetic voices of our generation. Here are some quotes on this topic of motherhood that truly are profound… good conversation starters (if you will) for today’s blog post.

“Parenting is never about how your kids turn out. It’s always and only about how you keep turning toward your kids and their Maker.”

She urges us to keep “turning toward.” I love that. My interpretation… to turn in, to lean in, to listen and take it ALL deep into our souls. (Try is really what I mean… try to listen to understand). To experience the full onset of the messy days and celebratory moments is really what motherhood is all about, isn’t it? It’s literally ALL of it: the tough conversations, the midnight hours of fever and illness, the conflict, the sitting together silently waiting for someone to speak, and sometimes shared tears (or silent tears). And of course the very best parts – the dancing in the kitchen or on wedding reception floors, traveling & experiencing our world together, the car rides to practice, the curbside coaching moments and the bedtime rituals that fill our homes with love. The most critical to me: the constant refocus of myself and the boys to their Maker. I have found that to be the single element of truth in everything good and every struggle. Re-centering…often daily on God somehow brings it all forward as growth and goodness if we allow it.

“The work of every parent is to give the best they know how now, and the work of every child is to forgive their parents the best they can now.”

Does that just resonate? We as parents do what we think is best in the moment. Sometimes we know within minutes it was not our most shining moment, and sometimes we don’t know until years later that our words or actions were an epic fail. Nevertheless, we live out the days truly trying to do the best with what we have in that moment, be it knowledge, resources or emotional capacity. Someday our kids will understand that… but not quite yet. We live in that gap generally.

And then there is this part of the child forgiving “the best they can now.” Here’s the thing I love about that statement, “The best they can now:” We all… in every time of our lives, have certain levels of capacity to forgive, to give, to love, to whatever. Our capacity ebbs and flows and is largely dependent on the strength of our spiritual life in that season of our lives. We must remember that we all do what we can for the most part. Forgiveness, therefore is essential for both the parent and child. Grace – early and often!

“Motherhood is never about training your children to be so good they won’t ever fall, it’s about letting them see you fall in love every day with a good God.”

If I don’t do anything else in my life as a mother, and hopefully some day a grandmother, I hope that they will see me fall in love every day with a good God. It’s something I am committed to and fully believe that all levels of good, stressful, scary and beautiful moments can be worked thru if we all stay focused on this truth. Being focused on God is central to Motherhood for me so far…. directing and redirecting ourselves and our children in the ways we know how.

Offering deep thanks today for my mother who in this season is the very best cheerleader and spiritual supporter. Also so much love to the many mother figures I have had in my life. God has always provided the most amazing women to step in and meet me right where I needed their love and support and I am forever grateful. If you get a moment today, reaching out to some of those would be a truly wonderful things for us all to do! Sending love to you all.

Simple Thoughts Sunday: “I looked around the room and saw…” The power of cultivating friendships

I had the most amazing experience last night. My dear friend Cindie did what I think many of us dream of doing and the “some day” part of that comes into play and it doesn’t happen. She hosted a few of us for what we thought was our annual Christmas gathering (and of course, watching our KC Chiefs play), but this year she brought all kinds of magic moments. She set the most beautiful table, she put so much care and thought, planning and intention into everything from the menu to her incredible toast to our life long friendship that it left us all spinning.

She started her toast with a simple, “I looked around the room…” and she went on to note either experiences or gifts that adorned her home and her heart with memories of our friendship. That friendship started in the neighborhood when all of our kids were about kindergarten age and has been steeped and sowed over lake trips, soccer sidelines, pool gatherings, birthday parties, holidays, graduations and now weddings. There has been so many changes for all of us over the last 20 years, moves, new jobs, heart break, love won and love lost, the passing of parents and much of the normal journeys of life.

One of my favorite pastors, Adam Hamilton, often asks us to think about who our “stretcher bearers” might be if we passed. His point is that it is helpful in life to cultivate strong friendships and to surround yourself with people that bring the best out of you and that will stay with you through “it all.” It’s powerful.

As we go into celebrating the last part of 2021 and this week, a focus on the birth of Christ, it seemed useful to me to share this story in hopes that we might all do whatever we can in this season to acknowledge, call out and love a little deeper those long lasting friendships that literally form and mold our lives. They infuse life with joy and hope and that is to me, a huge part of the Christmas message.

Here’s to wrapping up all of the good and not so good parts of the year and reaching forward with all of the love we can give this week.

Entering 2022 with a spirit of JOY

I can’t even! I am so over the moon still about the wedding earlier this month, and I can’t keep smiling. JOY.

I made a note a few weeks ago that I wanted to blog about “entering” a state of joy. It seems so powerful to me, this idea of entering… No matter what is going on in our lives, we have so much to be grateful for. So much joy literally outside our window, in the next room, or a call away. Throughout the year we get beat up a bit, start to feel weary from the activity and the noise, and we often can’t seem to pull away from that feeling. Starting in November, we circle the calendars for Thanksgiving. and somehow turn our minds toward the joy of life.

Here’s a thought: What if we entered every single day in 2022 with joy?

Sure, not every day, year or even decade brings us a wedding, a birth or some other major celebration, but EVERY SINGLE DAY there is so much good to be found. (And YES, sometimes WE HAVE TO BRING IT!)

I have often talked in the blog about the power of a pre-decision. Pretty much everything from building a healthier emotional life or staying disciplined to a physical wellness routine is dependent on if we have made a strong decision and commitment to that practice. So, I believe that we can and SHOULD call out 2022 as the YEAR OF JOY. Entering every room we walk into with the intention of finding and sharing JOY. Bringing a heart of sincere gratitude to our days… quietly starting our mornings with a renewed promise to ourselves to OWN the JOY around us.

I know it sounds a bit over the top, but goodness, after 2020 and 2021, we need an ENERGY SHIFT and that is going to take some crazy joy. Remember flash mobs a few years ago? Those impromptu singing & dance performances where people have fun? SO COOL! Let’s bring those back!

Who’s on this JOY TRAIN with me? I’d love to break down anything that’s been holding us back and doing it with each other is, well, THE BEST! TOGETHER ALWAYS MAGNIFIES.

Sending love and JOY to you all on this third week of ADVENT which just happens to be the JOY CANDLE!

Simple Thoughts Sunday: Pointing to the promises

Advent officially kicks off today, and it’s quite a season of celebration. My son and his beautiful fiance will be married this week, and how appropriate is it that we are headed fully into a season that just absolutely shouts LOVE and JOY? I’m not sure if they knew when COVID-19 forced them to reschedule that they were selecting this magical week, but here we are! (Perhaps it is God’s divine way of showing us His hand is in every detail, and that He gave Tucker and Libby this gift as a wonderful reminder every year on their anniversary of the power of love.)

As we launch into the holiday season formally, I love this idea of the season “pointing us to the promise.” The Advent devotional I picked for this year via Proverbs 31 Ministries is appropriately titled the same. The beauty of this season is that we have an entire 4-week period where most of the world around us is literally on a joy seeking mission. Celebrations abound & decorations dress the halls and fill our homes with reminders that it is truly something special… a season set apart.

Advent serves as a time to prepare our hearts. To take the time to really let our hearts catch up with the beauty of all that is good in this world. As this week’s devotion pointed out, “He promises love, life and light that the darkness cannot overcome.” I am so thankful for this and so many other promises and for holding on to a faith that allows me to know I am always surrounded by good, even and especially when it is hard. As I go through this week and through the next four leading up to the ultimate celebration, I am praying that my faith would be strengthened and that each of you might feel the power in the season.

I am especially prayerful for the wedding, and that Tucker and Libby might find warmth and delight in their moments leading up to their wedding and that they will always keep pointing to the promises of God. Would you join me in that prayer? I think that would be absolutely wonderful and know they would value the gesture!

Have a wonderful week. Cheers to a season of celebrations and hearts filled with peace and joy.

Processing sadness

I partially write this blog each week as therapy. I have been a writer since I can remember, and processing through writing seems to be my go-to. I wish I was one of those “journaling” types that documents their processing for either their own growth, or for future generations to learn from. I am not… it’s not indifferent from my prayer life… I lean into short thought circuits and find myself able to “bullet” out prayers & that is much more useful for my play-by-play processing.

I seem to be straying from my point in writing today’s blog, so I’ll try to get back onto the focus: processing sadness.

My mom is critically ill and under hospice care. I know many of you have walked this path or one similar to it, so perhaps this may resonate with you. The “Processing” part seems to be the challenge to me. I am told we are closing in on this journey, and yet I feel that the horizon is far enough away where I need to maintain hope and help advocate for her best care. I can see and feel the sadness just “over the horizon” and yet I don’t seem to have the ability to shed those tears or be ready in other words for what’s to come. In other words, perhaps I can’t release control over what no longer needs an advocate… I know it’s okay to go full on into the sad part of this, but my processing is clogged up, if you will.

Over the last several days I have prayed her favorite scripture over her… Psalm 23. She shared that it was also her mother’s favorite. The Lord is indeed our Shepherd. Always has been for this family. Always by our side and unrelenting in guidance no matter if we were interested, clearly listening or not at all.

Seasons change and we change, but God does not. It’s the most powerful truth in my life. I know that when I’m ready to process the tears, that the Good Shepherd will be there in that moment too.

If you ever find yourself not being able to process sadness, know that there is an army of people lifting you up and that once you are able to surrender, that God will be with you and that over the horizon there will be beautiful days and the love that remains always through the memories we hold.

Love the heck out of your people

No words are more important today than to love your people. Love them extravagantly. Don’t wait to share how you feel. Go big always when it comes to showing and sharing love. 

Everyone needs to feel it and share it.  Honor those who God has placed in your path.  

Today is the day. 

Simple Thoughts Sunday: God’s got you

I saw this on an Instagram post this week and it was fabulous! Here’s what the caption said: “Let me tell you the story of a girl who got so tired of struggling that she gave every single bit of it to God. YES, all of it… And then everything got better. It’s you… you are the girl.”

How great is that? What an important reminder for us all on this Sunday. This sabbath –– the day we are called to set it all aside and rest in His goodness. 

My boys are at that great age where they are realizing that all of this story of God’s power could be true, but yet ask the important question of “how?”

“It all sounds good, but no matter what I do (pray, daily devotions, etc.), I don’t feel God showing up like this promise says.” I’m certain most of us have been in that same head space… maybe you are there today.

Over the years, I have learned that it truly is about “long obedience in the same direction.” (Peterson) This knowing, along with proof points, can only be seen/touched/felt by a constant, surrendering… a commitment to asking God to show up every single day. He seems to always reveal himself over time and His ways of working aren’t to be predicted. Sometimes we wait and wait because God knows we aren’t ready for what we are asking for… That’s always been a powerful truth for me personally. Anyone else?

Sometimes we have to sit with a lack of peace for years on a subject as God quietly weaves it all together. Most importantly, we find His goodness when we literally are disciplined around a consistent thought life that repeats over and over –– “God’s got this.”

This week, what if we all start and end our days with this phrase…? I believe we may just have a shift in the right direction. In the meantime, I am praying that God will meet you where you are today and that the deepest desires of your heart will be received at precisely the time you are ready to receive them! 

“I will never give up on you” (So good!)

My son Sam was married to this love of his life, Katie, on Saturday in a beautiful backyard “COVID-19” wedding. It was one of the best experiences of my life. One of the reasons for that were the comments in the personal vows they both penned. They were profound.

If you took the time to write out your commitment, your covenant to those you love, what would you say? I am thinking about that today, and I believe it could be an impactful exercise. In the image above, I share Katie’s commitment to Sam, “I will never give up on you.” It was only one small statement, but it was power-packed. Even with the birds chirping I’m the background, you could hear the reaction from the small crowd. It was deep in meaning and everyone felt the strength of those words.

I could elaborate, as I’m sure you could on why this was so powerful, depending on our own personal narratives. After all, who doesn’t want the person they love to publicly declare this truth. It’s strong. It’s important. We all need our closest tribe to stick with us no matter what. Those of us who are older know that we will screw up (early and often), and sometimes it seems asking anyone to not give up is too big of a request.

I hope this idea of the importance of making a meaningful covenant resonates with some of you. What does your partner – or whomever you are making this commitment to – need from you? Also, and so critical, what do you really feel like you can commit to? I believe this is useful for many relationships, including close friends and family. If that is too much of an ask, how about meditating on Katie’s proclamation?

As a woman of faith, I know God won’t give up on me, and that should be enough. As a living, breathing human, I need to know I’m surrounded by those who are willing to commit firmly. I am meditating on those who provide that for me as I write this and I am full of gratitude.

Q&A with two new college grads (my sons): A perspective on our new world

What fun to have had Tucker and Joe home the last several weeks. It was not at all the plan we had for this season, but the dinner time conversations and the connections have been very special. I imagine over the years we will treasure this time. The “ring” day celebration at Texas A&M and the graduation weekends in College Station and Gainesville have all been adapted and remapped. This year’s “ritual” celebrations are on deck for deliberation.

This year brings us new opportunities to rethink our lives, and so I wondered what a new college grad may be thinking. It seems nothing is as it was just two months ago, when the boys were on pace with interviews and job offers that would have launched their post-grad career. That seems like it may as well have been 4 years ago now. What must they really be thinking? Concern? Confusion? Relief?

I was curious, so I interviewed them. I hope you all find it as interesting as I did. There were a few unexpected thoughts I gained and lessons that I know impacted me. How much fun (and actually profound) is it to learn from the next generation? Pure delight if you ask me.

Q: Was college what you expected?

Joe: I went in without an expectation really. I knew it would take more effort than high school… harder classes…

Tucker: This is a difficult question to answer. I have found that we all head into periods of transition in life with an idea of what might happen, and college is no exception. In most cases, things do not turn out how we hoped they would, but they work out exactly how they were meant to for our personal growth. For me, my college experience epitomizes this idea.

Q: Was it better than expected? Worse?

Joe: My view is it’s a tool to get you a job within your chosen career. It was a good experience.

Tucker: Looking back, college was better than I expected because of the growth I experienced and the lessons I learned. There were moments when it felt like things could not get any worse, but I found that these are the times that make you stronger. As cliche as that is, it’s true. A major lesson I learned in college was to embrace the difficult times because, more often than not, you will come out on the other side better for it.

Q: What was surprising?

Joe: I was definitely planning on graduating in four years and still feel like I could have if I had known a few things. It was surprising that many of the classes from junior college don’t transfer over, and I wish I had known that.(We found out about a semester too late that this is super common with the junior college combination… Maybe a lesson to be learned for someone else here.)

Tucker: Each year of college brought its own surprises, but the biggest shock to me was the amount of freedom you are given. When you leave home and get to your college campus, the only person to truly hold you accountable is yourself. No one is there to wake you up, prepare your meals, or make you go to class. College requires an immense amount of self-discipline, and figuring all of this out is all part of the process.

Q: Would you recommend junior college?

Joe: We have one of the best junior college’s in the country here where we live around Overland Park, KS. It is a really smart financial decision for many, and it gives you the opportunity to prepare/level up before going to a larger university.

Tucker: I would definitely recommend junior college. Unless you are totally set on what you want to do and where, considering a junior college is a wise decision. From a financial standpoint, doing this can set you up for financial freedom later down the road. From an academic standpoint, you can get your general courses out of the way while you figure out what you are truly passionate about. There is no shame in attending a junior college for a year or two; as a matter of fact, it’s a pretty smart choice.

Q: Was there a primary takeaway or lesson learned?

Joe: I had the chance to study abroad in a way that wasn’t the norm along with one of my triplet brothers. Our other brother, Sam, was able to with his University and I’d say that this experience for all of us was really important. Everyone that can should take advantage of any opportunity like this. The influence of other cultures and perspectives that you learn is really helpful. I have already been exposed to this in my work and in the community, and having this viewpoint seems really important.

On the lessons learned part, I definitely would say don’t take it so seriously that you impact your sleep, or really general health. It’s hard, there are hard instructors, but it seems to even out and it’s not worth the added stress. Some classes are just hard and you have to own that. (Mom comment: Kind of like life…pure wisdom here!)

Tucker: There are so many lessons I learned in college, but the first one that comes to mind is to stay your course. It is easy to play the comparison game with our peers, friends, family, etc. Everyone is on their own path, everyone has their own challenges, and everyone’s situation is entirely different. Devise a plan, stick to it, and focus on you.

Q: How do you think COVID-19 will impact your next phase?

Joe: I think companies will be rethinking how they do work. I think we will have more opportunity to have more balanced lives, perhaps. I was listening to a podcast about the NFL Draft and its success being virtual this year. The key lessons were that they were now considering if this could be done in this way in the future? Better viewership? Happier leaders/coaches that didn’t have to travel and be away from their families? It seems like the question now is, “Are the positive incremental differences in being live and present at the office or at some place like the draft event enough to warrant the expense in cost and health of the teams?” I think we will see this change our way of life from now on to some degree.

Tucker: This pandemic will absolutely have a major impact on this next stage of life. Obviously, companies are not hiring at the pace they once were, creating an even more competitive job market for recent graduates. As far as how firms operate, I am sure remote work will become a popular option, even when COVID-19 blows over. This is a difficult time to be graduating, but as I discussed earlier in this interview, I will be grateful for this experience years from now.

Q: What are your expectations of a celebration knowing the normal “ritual” events such as graduations have been taken away for now or rescheduled?

Joe: I really don’t have any expectations.

Tucker: For some people, the cancellation of these events is devastating, and understandably so. Walking across the stage at Texas A&M’s Reed Arena would have been a very memorable way to wrap up my college years, but an at-home celebration with my close friends and family is perfectly fine with me.

Q: If you had a magic wand and could change or recreate anything about the college experience, what would it be?

Joe: I wouldn’t change anything. I take it all as learning and where I am supposed to be at the moment.

Tucker: I would not change anything. In my eyes, everything unfolded exactly how it was supposed to. Everything we go through and experience is what allows us to learn, grow, and progress.

Q: Favorite instructors?

Joe: None specific, but I could definitely tell those that had passion. It came through in their voice inflection, their command of their subject… the class could feel it.

Tucker: Dr. Sandra Braman (Mass Communication Law) and Dr. Nandra Perry (Bible as Literature) are two awesome instructors at Texas A&M. Both experts in their fields, Dr. Braman and Dr. Perry made coming to class a joy because of their passion, knowledge, and desire to challenge their students

I hope you loved this as much as I did. So much good here! Have a wonderful wrap to this week and I pray that you are finding joy at every turn.