Lysa Terkeurst spoke Thursday evening at an event I went to and shared a bit about a book she is working on right now. Lysa is the author of several books, but my favorite (and to me a must-read for all), is “The Best Yes.” It is always relevant for me and I think for most people.
She shared that she is working on the topic of “boundaries.” At first I thought, “I’m glad to be here, but that doesn’t really apply to me,” but when she shared the thought above I had to re-think my position. “Who HAVE I given level 10 access to who perhaps hasn’t even earned level 3? Who has access to my full energy and passion and does it even make sense?” (Especially in context of the information overload most of us have these days and the need to protect our energy and focus.)
So, whether it’s your boss, parents, siblings, in-laws, friends… who or perhaps even what have you given “level 10 access” to in your thoughts and/or actions? Level 10 as in the ability to take over your thoughts and drives your actions. Is there anyone or anything, that has this high access, but honestly they don’t deserve it? For one reason or another, they haven’t earned your full trust, or perhaps, their actions haven’t lined up as someone that always has your best interests at heart and aligns with your values and the legacy you hope to leave during your life.
To me, of her examples, the workplace experiences resonate the most. I can think of times in my life when I gave an inappropriate amount of mind and heart power to someone who frankly hadn’t earned it whatsoever. All in some type of ego-driven need to get approval. Why in the world do we do this? (Of course the harder ones are family. We automatically often give our family level 10, when (I can speak personally) that not in all seasons do even they deserve this level…)
I was thankful that in a room of over 2,000 women (and maybe a handful of men), Lysa spoke often of the importance of good counsel, friends and professional therapy when needed. The need to normalize mental health and the truth that every single one of us at one time or another need someone other than ourselves to navigate life was and is a needed and clear message. My guess is that her new work on healthy boundaries will be a best seller, as no matter what generation we find ourselves in, we can all use fresh thinking such as this on developing our best selves.
I can assure you that I will make it a practice now when I find myself overthinking a conversation or letting my mind otherwise go down a discontented path, to consider if whoever is bringing me to this place should indeed have this level of access. If I’m honest, I think I just might find some of these thoughts to not be worth my energy and that my level of “response” so to speak, should be at a much lower level due to the source. Here’s to more strong boundaries… higher energy, better relationships and living out our purpose with grace and badassery.
Have the best week ahead!