I partially write this blog each week as therapy. I have been a writer since I can remember, and processing through writing seems to be my go-to. I wish I was one of those “journaling” types that documents their processing for either their own growth, or for future generations to learn from. I am not… it’s not indifferent from my prayer life… I lean into short thought circuits and find myself able to “bullet” out prayers & that is much more useful for my play-by-play processing.
I seem to be straying from my point in writing today’s blog, so I’ll try to get back onto the focus: processing sadness.
My mom is critically ill and under hospice care. I know many of you have walked this path or one similar to it, so perhaps this may resonate with you. The “Processing” part seems to be the challenge to me. I am told we are closing in on this journey, and yet I feel that the horizon is far enough away where I need to maintain hope and help advocate for her best care. I can see and feel the sadness just “over the horizon” and yet I don’t seem to have the ability to shed those tears or be ready in other words for what’s to come. In other words, perhaps I can’t release control over what no longer needs an advocate… I know it’s okay to go full on into the sad part of this, but my processing is clogged up, if you will.
Over the last several days I have prayed her favorite scripture over her… Psalm 23. She shared that it was also her mother’s favorite. The Lord is indeed our Shepherd. Always has been for this family. Always by our side and unrelenting in guidance no matter if we were interested, clearly listening or not at all.
Seasons change and we change, but God does not. It’s the most powerful truth in my life. I know that when I’m ready to process the tears, that the Good Shepherd will be there in that moment too.
If you ever find yourself not being able to process sadness, know that there is an army of people lifting you up and that once you are able to surrender, that God will be with you and that over the horizon there will be beautiful days and the love that remains always through the memories we hold.