I partially write this blog each week as therapy. I have been a writer since I can remember, and processing through writing seems to be my go-to. I wish I was one of those “journaling” types that documents their processing for either their own growth, or for future generations to learn from. I am not… it’s not indifferent from my prayer life… I lean into short thought circuits and find myself able to “bullet” out prayers & that is much more useful for my play-by-play processing.
I seem to be straying from my point in writing today’s blog, so I’ll try to get back onto the focus: processing sadness.
My mom is critically ill and under hospice care. I know many of you have walked this path or one similar to it, so perhaps this may resonate with you. The “Processing” part seems to be the challenge to me. I am told we are closing in on this journey, and yet I feel that the horizon is far enough away where I need to maintain hope and help advocate for her best care. I can see and feel the sadness just “over the horizon” and yet I don’t seem to have the ability to shed those tears or be ready in other words for what’s to come. In other words, perhaps I can’t release control over what no longer needs an advocate… I know it’s okay to go full on into the sad part of this, but my processing is clogged up, if you will.
Over the last several days I have prayed her favorite scripture over her… Psalm 23. She shared that it was also her mother’s favorite. The Lord is indeed our Shepherd. Always has been for this family. Always by our side and unrelenting in guidance no matter if we were interested, clearly listening or not at all.
Seasons change and we change, but God does not. It’s the most powerful truth in my life. I know that when I’m ready to process the tears, that the Good Shepherd will be there in that moment too.
If you ever find yourself not being able to process sadness, know that there is an army of people lifting you up and that once you are able to surrender, that God will be with you and that over the horizon there will be beautiful days and the love that remains always through the memories we hold.
Beautifully written my friend. Love to you!
Much love sweet girl!
Praying for peace for your mother, your family and you.
You’re really really good at writing …. keep it up!
Such a carthetic thing to do! I’m praying for you!
Perfect words to express a place we can all understand. It feels good to know people understand one another’s hearts. ❤️
Lori,
As you well know, I just lost my mommy, and well…I lift you and share in this moment of paralyzing difficulty breathing for both you and her. She is so special and I feared this may be soon for you. I will say my most important advise as you navigate through this process would be that no matter what work requires right now; she comes first in all things. Take an extended leave. It is my best advise and will be your least regret. All my love sweet lady.
I am so sorry Lori. Unfortunately, many of us do indeed know this path. Hold onto the memories and share your love for her as you hold her hands to the holy gates. Was so touching for me to be with my mom til the end and literally pray her into Jesus’ hands. Their love will continue to strengthen you as you go over that horizon. Love you
Lori, beautifully said. I will add you and your Mother to my prayers. Sending you a loving hug.
I get it. It was a crazy journey walking that path with my mother 2 years ago. Self compassion and acceptance for where ever you are. Advocating, holding onto hope, and presence to what is happening in the moment requires self love and self compassion. The same gift you are giving your mother please give it to yourself. Love you my friend. Sending you tons of hugs and prayers.
Lori, I’m sorry you’re going through this with your Mom. I plan on seeing her tomorrow. I’ve been under the weather, so I haven’t got around to seeing her often as I had hoped. I too went through this with my mother and Jim. It’s hard. Praying for all of you. Love you.
Love you❤️. I know this path, as you know. You will know when you are ready. Advocacy goes on, it just looks different. Praying love and peace for your Mom, you and your sweet family.❤️?❤️
My friend. I walk this walk with you, as I am back East visiting my mom and wondering and waiting for the shoe to drop and these visits to cease. Much love to you. I love your blog, and your thought processes. I get you, and I love you, and am here for you. Your mom raised a uniquely gifted woman. Be sure you tell her I said that. ?
Hello sweet friend. I am sorry. I am sorry your momma is in her final journey. I am sorry we couldn’t find time for one another on this trip. There is nothing to worry about regarding your sadness or specifically the lack of processing it. The time is not yet. Today and each of her final days you are being present. The sadness will find you when the time is right. Your knowledge of yourself and your mom, your family dynamics will play out as they should. Just as you stated, you are not alone. When the tears flow, you will be surrounded by prayer, as well. I am praying she has a smooth and comfortable transition. Love you.
I am happy to be a part of that army lifting you up if your need is there. i hope you can still have some conversations with your Mom. If so, ask her to tell you something about her distant past, something you may have never heard or thought about her, perhaps the first time she did something, etc. I know now that years after losing my parents, there are some pieces of their history I will never know and wish i could ask them now. Cherish the few days you have with her. They can be the best of days.
Lifting you up. Life is always bringing change sometimes not so welcome. Stand strong. Your mom would want you to be .