Love, admiration and respect: All relationship “must haves”

I just had to address this topic. You see, I had dinner with a friend last week and we were talking about our young men/women and relationships.

This is not the first conversation about this same topic that I’ve had in the past few years. I guess I’m at the age where the next phase of our kids’ lives could include a trip down the aisle. If you have younger kids, pay close attention. The conversation on intentional parenting, aunt-ing, grandparent-ing, etc. is worth it right now.

As you know, I read a lot. And soon, I’ll have 5 decades under my belt. Using Oprah’s popular lead in, “one thing I know for sure” is we need to be in relationships where we are loved deeply, admired and perhaps above all respected.

Most relationship experts say respect is a core need, particularly strong for a man, but also important for a woman. My grandparents backed this up. I once asked them their secret to marriage and they both said respect: “We may have disagreements, but we always keep them for after the event, and sit at the kitchen table until we resolve them — never taking our disagreements public.”

While men may have a top need for respect, women need to be admired and that means acknowledging often so there is no question she is adored.

I think we are in a little bit of a crisis. Sure, I think most get the whole love thing. What seems to be missing is the time and attention necessary to build and show admiration, adoration and respect. We need to up the game early so that our young children understand just how important this is. Being in a relationship with someone that leaves you at a party to hang with their friends, doesn’t invest time in tender conversations, doesn’t want to spend time with your friends/family… I could go on, if you can’t tell. All are things I’ve heard and have seen lately.

Folks, please don’t blow this off. We have an entire generation that perhaps hasn’t seen this modeled well. TV and movies probably make it worse. If we want them to have successful relationships it is going to be because we invested our energy into making sure they both know they need it, what it looks like and how to give it in the best possible ways.