Hard conversations

I think I’d rather stick with my Olympic insights because those ARE FUN and this week as I’ve watched a few of the key races it has been exhilarating to watch the athletes shine. However, I just knew that I also had to get this one out there.

I am not sure about you, but hard conversations are never fun. But at the same time, they almost always create a step forward. I think it’s important that we all realize just how important these conversations are in healthy relationships. These, of course, span our personal lives, our community efforts and in the work place. In the past couple of months I have been engaged at some level with a few of these and I think it’s always worth sharing…

Our family had some tough conversations about a college change. Here’s the brief:

1. A goal to move to a different college
2. Concern from my son that we would not understand the whys and ultimately support the desire to make the change.
3. Concern from both parents that our son was making the best decision for him. Not to mention the logistics, costs, etc.

So, what’s the big deal? The big deal is that these are big issues – potentially life-changing. My point is simple, even when you look at something objective, as in the three easy areas above, life is about conversation and sometimes, many times that generates a hard conversation.

The result of this conversation was that we had a family meeting to review the situation. Some pre-work was done on both sides in an attempt to create understanding. There were nerves going into the meeting and at the end of the day, it resolved well. (It was what at our office we call “healthy tension,” but everyone felt better at the conclusion.)

Key message: When we have the courage to tackle tough conversations, we can actually improve our relationships, create peace in our worlds and in my opinion move toward happiness in our lives. The alternative is not talking about the issues and living uncomfortably as everyone “guesses” what is really going on and peace is shattered.

I’ve had a few others…

My Mom wants to move to an assisted living community. It’s likely the best thing for her, so it seems like an easy decision. It’s not. It involves finances, concern of the impact of changes, etc.
At work there seems to always be an email misunderstanding; a conversation that raises your blood pressure… you get the point.

In all of these situations…
– Life is hard – Life can be easier if we approach “healthy tension” with courage and kindness, but it also takes work and preparations. Hard conversations almost always have a positive end result. Worst-case scenario, an attempt was made to get difficult issues out in the open and stirring in hearts and minds.

I’m confident you can think of one or two of these you need to have. Some ideas to get you thinking…

• A conversation with a young child about how they sometimes “bend the truth” and the impact of that.
• A conversation with a middle school child about the pressures they are about to face. Yes, middle school children are faced with all manner of moral challenges in today’s world.
• A conversation with a friend who seems to be making wrong choices.
• A conversation with a boss or team member who seems to constantly create disruption to your life.
• My favorite:  A conversation you need to have with yourself!

As you work through this, my encouragement is that you do it and do it soon. Your relationships will be better because of it! BE BOLD! BE KIND! CARE DEEPLY!