To Serve well

Serving with Excellence for a Life of Excellence

Serve Well

“I didn’t know I was hungry”

Have you ever found out something profound about your life after that season was over? Rachel Held Evans started chapter 19 of her fantastic book, ‘Searching for Sunday,’ with this profound concept that stuck with me instantly: “I didn’t know I was hungry.”

Let’s unpack this concept a bit more…

  • Have you ever been in a relationship but didn’t feel loved? Recognized? Seen? Heard?
  • Have you ever been in a room, office, church or otherwise full of people, and felt alone?
  • Have you ever had such an uneasiness that you couldn’t “find the feeling” that was keeping you unsettled and stealing your peace?

That feeling is hunger. In some cases we are starved.  Starved for the basic needs that sustain us as humans: love, community, peace. The sentence blew my mind. Have you ever been hungry and didn’t even know it or have the capacity or knowledge to “name it?”

I have had a season like that. In fact, if I allow myself to “go there” or dig deep enough, I’ve had a few. I have to laugh a bit because a few years back, my son said, offhand, “Mom, I could have told you that.” I had to seek outside counseling to hear this truth and right under my own roof my son recognized certain patterns. He recognized I was “hungry,” but I sure didn’t know it.

In fact, that counselor pointed out that we are either pursuing, running from or staying within the moment. I am either a pursuer or a runner. Perhaps most of us are? (Oh, how I’d love to have the knowledge of a good therapist! Thank God for those people!) Until the last few years, I did not even know that the staying or lingering with the discomfort – or perhaps even the comfort – of a relationship or situation was a “thing” and really essential to understanding and growth. When she pointed it out, it was a light bulb moment. It was in this understanding that I could begin to recognize moments of hunger.

One of the things I like to do in these short little insights, is to spur us to think deeper in a wild attempt to better understand ourselves. I feel like perhaps we can serve others better if we do so.

Have the best week! I hope this post helps move us toward joy and toward a life full of everything God has in store for us. I love that notion of moving toward all that is good and hopeful.

Take every thought captive

Think back to the last few days. What has consumed your thinking? I just finished the best book of the year for me so far: “Get Out of your Head,” by Jennie Allen. She shared that nearly 70 percent of our thoughts are negative (Psychology Today, October 10, 2013). Yikes.

In a short experiment, she gathered a group of women around a white board that simply said, “What are you thinking about?” With a variety of Post-It notes with different options (like the picture above shows), the women were asked to pull a note that showed what they were thinking about. True to the reference above, over 70 percent were in the not-so-positive space. I would have guessed this to be a lot lower. (Personally, when I saw the list, my mind definitely drifts to the “what ifs” more than I’d like to admit.)

Why is that? I don’t often blog about scripture during the middle of a work week, but the one in this title has always been one of my favorites. If you have ever been around anyone citing New Testament Bible references, you may recognize this advice: “We must take every thought captive.” (2 Corinthians 10:5) The scripture pointing to the fact that our minds are truly wild things that need to be reminded early and often to center our thinking on what is good, useful and true. Our minds tend to run down the rabbit holes of “what ifs” and “whys,” and can quite easily get lost and off onto a path that doesn’t serve us well.

So, how do we in fact get a control on these tendencies? Other than the basic core rule – first, decide that you want to – there are some other ideas to consider. I think identifying where your mind tends to go is really important. Taking a proper inventory, if you will. I love the idea someone shared with me: They ask the “thought” questions, such as, “Should I take you seriously?” Other thoughts: Is this really a big deal? What percent of my day/life/etc. is impacted by this? Does it matter against my other priorities or goals? Why the hell am I even thinking about this so much?

Once you have dealt with whether or not it’s important or not, then create a habit of talking this recurring issue over with someone (or multiple people) you trust. In other words, get wisdom from someone else and ask them to help redirect you if you continue to bring this issue into focus. There are so many other options here, like meditating, praying, journaling, etc. The bottom line is that you must figure out what you are thinking and get with a community that will help you overcome your thought patterns. The best ever is when you are able to replace the negative with the positive. That’s where we take ground and grow.

Let’s be ever mindful this week of the thoughts we have, and work together to shift out of self-focus, and use that energy to think about ways we can use this one life to serve others.

Inner game: 3 ways to power up the mental game

A strong mental game establishes order. If you are a golfer, a basketball player, or any kind of athlete at all, your coach likely talked about the importance of having a routine in order to to perform. These mental habits create a mechanism for our brains and actions to sync up and prepare us for our goal. We don’t talk about this idea as much as we should outside of the sports world.

How do we go about developing our strongest mental game? Here are a few proven ideas:

  1. Decide what you hope to achieve… Plan the perfect date, trip – or even create a kick-a** business case – to increase the energy on your team and spark an amazing conversation. 
  2. Develop a step-by-step plan of what you think it is going to take to achieve that goal. Make it in as few steps as possible. We need to think of our habits or routines like the picture above – “taking a shot.”
    • Dribble three times
    • Pick a spot on the backboard
    • Position your arms, lean and launch
  3. Practice. Practice. Practice. In other words, talk through your team plan with a trusted mentor, or whatever version applies to your situation. The act of practice takes intention and time, but it’s time well invested.

I heard a speaker once say that “if the meeting is important, go in person.” She asked us, “If you were going to propose would you do it on the phone?” Too often we have critical life challenges, both personal and business, where we don’t strengthen our mental game. Why? Great question. I can personally do a better job of upping my mental game in routine and preparation. Based on experience, I know this effort pays dividends.

Where might you find it useful to invest in a strong mental game plan set or reset this week?

Better together

I often talk about community and the importance of us staying connected with people who accelerate the joy and growth in our lives. Joy can be found almost everywhere you can imagine, and perhaps almost always in the deep valleys of life – because God often sends just the right person or community to brighten our path and help us thru.

I was with a group of business women over the weekend and this message seems to be coming at me strongly. So many stories happening right now that could rock anyone’s world, but the power in how these ladies not only serve each other, but their families at work and at home, offers so much evidence for why cultivating relationships simply has to be a priority. We must do all we can to seek it out and be intentional. There is likely not a better return on an investment of time, energy or resources.

Along those lines, I was just in a one on one meeting with one of my amazing staff and she shared that one of her primary goals this year is finding happiness in the chaos. She wants to focus on the proactive versus reactive. We can talk about the latter in a post to come, because that certainly needs attention, but for now – joy! The joy found in community. I am certain she will find what she’s hoping for within the ranks of those who surround her if she places focus there.

I am always prayerful in these posts that at least one person needs the insight shared. Almost always it seems the “universe” conspires for the greater good by seeding the idea in my mind, ever hopeful that my words can bring out a few helpful thoughts.

Today, I hope you will know that we truly are better together. God designed us that way from the beginning. What a gift. Go hug your tribe today, make that call, send that message… it’s the best gift.

Don’t be silent: Let’s honor Dr. King today and always

Please don’t dismiss this week’s celebration of Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. Join me in re-familiarizing ourselves with the story of his life by reading his biography and listening to the ever-powerful “I have a dream” speech.

My friend Gretchen who substitute teaches once told me that she asked her class who today’s heroes are. The group couldn’t really come up with any. Maybe some athletes, but overall the exercise left everyone asking who deserves this title today? Who is doing work that addresses the big issues?

Thankfully there are a LOT of heroes in our world who are spending their days working on those big issues. On the other hand, there is always room for more stand-outs that can galvanize our country and world, such as people like Dr. King who sacrifice their lives for the good of man and society.

The quote above is my favorite of King’s. It resonates with me and I hope it does with you. What issues have we been silent about? If you haven’t shared your concern and taken action to help improve a situation, that is silence. This could be as easy as walking past litter in your own neighborhood, or as complex as taking on the hate that impacts our world.

(A shout out to my friend Mindy Corporon and family who are working toward improvement in this area via their foundation and their annual week long event bringing awareness to these issues.) 

No matter what issue you have a passion for, please don’t be silent. It’s a new year – and decade! – and I’m glad we celebrate Martin Luther King Jr.’s birthday this month as we kick off and renew our commitment to what is important in our country.

While you are at it, if you have children in your life, encourage them to identify those issues and begin to step forward as a leader to truly impact our world for the positive. I’m confident that today’s youth have what it takes to ensure that America continues to be the greatest country in the world.

Everyone needs a champion!

This is such an important message – one that we should all feel strongly about.

It doesn’t matter if you are young like these sweet girls, in school, starting your career, mid-career or past retirement age. It doesn’t matter if you work or don’t work. It doesn’t matter what your education is or how awesome your credentials are. One hundred percent of us are happier and more fulfilled when we have a champion – preferably a few!

I didn’t realize it was such a problem until I started a new job quite a few years ago. It was difficult for me to understand that most people I worked with directly went through their days and years (in one case, over 20 years) without a champion. In fact, when asked who their champion was, there was a blank stare as if they didn’t know what a champion was. It was palpable in the culture. I have since then had this conversation with many, and found that our company was not alone. I also found that many across my social groups also didn’t feel they necessarily had a champion in life. That is just not right. (Side note: I’m not indicating that the entire company was that way, but pockets within the office.)

I wondered how they progressed… learned… advanced… I found out that most of them really didn’t – they were stagnant. Sure, business priorities and strategies changed from year to year, but the feeling of thriving, or truly moving toward purpose was non existent for far too many.

It had me thinking. Is it a choice? Do they even know what it feels like to have someone that is an advocate? Someone that is going to bat for you and helping advance your cause and work? What if you want someone to “champion” you but you don’t know how to ask or where to start? Is that your responsibility, or your employer’s?

So many questions. An issue I never realized was so complicated. I have always been part of a culture that ensured people were supporting/championed. I try to do that at home too. After all, it starts there, right? We all need someone that leads our fan club.

My hope with this post is if you aren’t being championed, you develop a plan to change that. Heck, I’d be glad to help! If you aren’t championing someone outside of your home, I think finding someone that could use your support would be a really great thing to do. Again, it doesn’t matter your age nor situation… giving someone a hand up ends up making more of a difference to you personally.

Finally, if you do happen to be in the work place, please make sure that everyone in your circle has a champion. The culture will be better for it, and that could be a game changer for 2020. I’m all about game changers. Go be a champion!

Let’s dive right in to the new year- Here we go 2020!

I couldn't resist using this picture. Is anyone else eager for that type of sunshine right now?

Most of you have likely spent time reflecting on 2019,  putting thought into what you’d like to accomplish in 2020.  If not, perhaps today is the day to set aside time to really think through where you have been, what you have learned, and who has impacted your life. This effort always makes me feel like I have a more clear picture when working toward the plan I need to put in motion. They say that writing down your thoughts and goals is a key part of achieving them. I totally agree with that. To me, diving in after you write them down is the only option. Taking action not only feels good, but it drives us forward.

What areas of your life do you need to take action on? So many of your ‘one words‘ were so good and inspiring. How do you plan to make that happen? What does peace look like when it’s played out? More time alone to reflect? A deeper prayer life? Time set aside time each morning? What does joy look like? More time with friends? Family? Pets? Doing what fills your soul? What do I need to let go of to optimize my life? How much of an impact can I make?

As you dive in, please know that you have a tribe of people supporting, encouraging and praying for you! I truly believe we can all accomplish whatever it is that helps us be our best. Of course that means, serving well!

Here’s to a more than meaningful and joyful year ahead and a decade that increases our capacity for love and justice. Thank you so much for taking time to read these brief insights. Cheers to you all!

Top reads for 2019

This is such a tough post for me, because I truly love all books – and for totally different reasons. I think that’s likely true for all of us, that we gravitate toward what we individually need to hear at that particular time in this season of life.

All of that to say, I am going to attempt this anyway. After all, I hear from some of you that you’d love to see another post on top books – and I aim to serve! This one is long overdue, since my last book post was in… April. Oops! You can find other posts related to books I love in the archives under “book reviews.”

Here are my top 10 for the year, each with some excerpts that highlight why they made the list (The first three from my April post):

Notorious RBG, by Irin Carmon and Shana Knizhnik – No matter your political interests, this is such a good read. This absolutely fun read about the life of Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg is terrific in 100 different ways. I love all of it, but this quote in the beginning in particular: While reading her dissent in a voting rights case, she quotes Martin Luther King directly, “The arc of the moral universe is long, but it bends toward justice,” she said, but then she added her own words: “If there is a steadfast commitment to see the task through to completion.” Now that is true and powerful.

The Art of Gathering, by Priya Parker – So much amazing work in this book. I’d grab this one for sure if you like to read topics that appeal in multiple areas of your life. One simple idea here: “If you want a lively but inclusive conversation as a core part of your gathering, eight to twelve people is the number you should consider. Smaller than eight, the group can lack diversity in perspective; larger than twelve, it begins to be difficult to give everyone a chance to speak.”

Joyful, by Ingrid Fetell Lee – A really interesting and fun read that covers the full gamut of joy. One idea I appreciated: “I began to notice that while the topic of work-life balance comes up frequently in media, play is largely absent from the conversation… The most joyful people I know manage to hold space for play in their adult lives (think playing a sport, family game night, etc.).”

Shoe Dog, by Phil Knight – This was on everyone’s top list in 2016-17, but it took me a while to dive in. It did not disappoint, and could arguably be my number one book. It’s a classic tale of starting from the beginning, finding your path, and what is required (absolute commitment, focus and imagination) for top-level individuals and companies to achieve success. Phil is the founder of Nike and you can imagine the power of the story. The power of any great story is found when purpose is exposed. This line captures it well, “I walked out of the room, I thought of that phrase, ‘It’s just business,’, It’s never just business. It never will be. If it ever does become just business, that will mean that business is very bad.” Profound truth.

Women Rowing North, by Mary Pipher – The inside cover reads, “A guide to wisdom, authenticity, and bliss for women as they age…a timely examination of the cultural and developmental issues women face ...” There are so many valuable nuggets in here, but I highlighted this one: “One day I told her that I greatly admired how she handled her difficult situation with such good cheer. She looked at me and said, ‘Mary, I have no choice about the leukemia, but I can control how I deal with it. I might as well act right and have something to feel good about.'” That’s so true about almost everything in life. We get to decide. Another that spoke to me: “On further reflection, I realized that I often become my own worst enemy, constantly signing myself up for combat duty when I really want to stay home, pet my cat and read a book.” (Okay, not the cat part, but Jennie and Gretchen, that’s for you!)

Range, by David Epstein – This read takes on the idea of whether it is best to “specialize” in a field/hobby/etc., or if it’s better to have a “range” of interests/focuses/preparations. Notable authors such as Malcolm Gladwell and Daniel Pink praise Epstein’s work, and this is indeed a solid read on the topic our path to excellence in life. I loved this: “Instead, she told me, in a clever inversion of a hallowed axiom, ‘First act, then think,’ Ibarra marshaled social psychology to argue persuasively that we are each made up of numerous possibilities. As you put it, ‘We discover the possibilities by doing, by trying new activities, building new networks, finding new role models.’ We learn who we are in practice, not in theory.” So good. As we go into 2020 and a new decade, where do we need to develop new possibilities?

The Moment of Lift, by Melinda Gates – From the inside cover: “How can we summon a moment of lift for human beings?” And also: “I had to write this book- to share the stories of people who have given focus and urgency to my life.” Those “people,” those “stories,” are from countries and cultures across the world, whom we have the power to help “lift,” thereby using the gifts God has given us to help all of humanity. It is about helping others use their voice, and build lives and generations by challenging the status quo. Who is giving urgency to my/your life right now? Where and who do we need to pursue to ensure we use your gifts and achieve our purpose? Those questions are true for every single age. It’s a useful question for launching into the new decade.

The Innovator’s DNA, by Jeff Dyer, Hal Gregersen, and Clayton M. Christensen – This book hones in on 5 skills for innovators using stories from the great innovator’s of our time, Apple, Google, etc. It’s a true business read, chalked full of quality content, research and stories we can use. One such example, “Google holds an ‘Innovator’s Challenge’, four times each year. In this competition, employees submit ideas for management review. Winning ideas receive the resources necessary to maintain momentum. Innovation at Google is very democratic; it lets market forces determine which ideas move forward.” I am always challenged by these types of reads and look forward to any ideas I can grab and use. Perhaps you are as well.

Rhythms of Renewal, by Rebekah Lyons – One of my favorites, and the topic of a blog post from October. Why do I love it? I love the topic itself, I love the simplicity of every single chapter and I feel like this book alone makes me better. That is saying a lot. One thought that is powerful as you go into the new year: “When we rest long enough to take inventory, when we ask God to cultivate our hearts, talents and passions according to the purpose he planned before our days began, we’ll find new horizons opening up, horizons beyond all we could ask or imagine. It’s never too late to re-establish what you want your life to be about.” So good.

Stillness is the Key, by Ryan Holiday – This one ties with No. 9 above on the absolute best for me for 2019. I wrote about it twice this year (Oct. 22 & Oct. 28) and one thought I loved: “The answer is that while we may naturally possess stillness, accessing it is not easy. One must really listen to hear it speaking to us. And answering the call requires stamina and mastery.” To me, all of this is most worthy of my attention and incredibly critical at this point in our world. We need to be still and we need to think and listen well in order to serve well… be it at home, the workplace, the community, and yes, making key decisions in 2020 as it comes to new leadership for our country – and beyond. We need to urgently focus on removing distractions.

Praying for each of you to have an incredible finale to the decade and to have the focus to start strong on a new year this week ahead!

Love BIG this holiday season!

All of my boys would say Christmas is the best time of the year, but one of my sons in particular really loves Christmas. I bought him a sign with the message “It’s the most wonderful time of the year,” a few years ago and he proudly hung it in his room everyday of the year until he went off to college.

I love that, and I love that he understands the message of Christmas and that it’s truly all about love. My mom-heart hopes that he holds on to this truth all through his life.

Loving well is central to our hearts as humans. We are meant to love and while often we get it right, sometimes we don’t love as well as we can or should. Regardless, we strive toward love and the world usually magically gives it back to us.

As we head into the final lap of the year and on this Christmas Day, my prayer is that we love well – the best we can! Even when the world sometimes doesn’t give it back, we press forward and continue to love. Thanks to the Christmas story, we know the truth is that God so loved the world, and He gave us His only son…

And our hope in this wacky wonderful world is real and beautiful. Enjoy every minute of these next few days… For many this is what most believe holds the most wonderful time of the year.

Merry Christmas my friends – and love well!

What one word sets your soul on fire for the best year ever?

I really love this topic. My mind runs amok with the possibilities. Where in the world does God want us to go in 2020? It’s a whole new decade… the possibilities are endless! How do we best achieve our personal goals and purpose? How can we show up with excellence at home, in our neighborhood, as a friend, for our community and in our careers?

Now, of course I know “one word” doesn’t capture it all, but what would one thought be that galvanizes and energizes? Is there a specific area in your life that needs a specific focus? Do you need to for example cultivate your relationships? Do you need to have more days of connection and joy? Are you being called to adventure, travel or exploration?

So many ideas. Here are a few…

Discipline – This was my first “one word” from back in 2012, and it was the year I started working out on a regular basis and focusing on personal health. Total game changer.

Also… Elevate, trust, joy, stretch, acceptance, happiness, freedom, momentum, growth, unstoppable, shine, minimize, rebuild, peace, silence, brave, curious, perspective, thrive, aware, fresh, quiet, travel, adventure, journey, accelerate, game-changer, win, search, commit, dedicate, meaning, true, love…

If you choose to jump on this train, I highly recommend that you share your word with a few members of your tribe, write it down and put it front and center somewhere you see often. There are also other resources, including a website, which lets you join others across the world in the process.

In closing, I will share that selecting a word could be a challenge. Since I’ve done this a few years, I always want to give it some real thought and try to hear from God on what would be the most powerful word to help direct me. That said, my word for 2018 was “revival,” and I didn’t really understand it fully at the time, but felt it was clearly supposed to be my word.

Here is what I wrote in 2018 on this blog topic (referencing a message I had just heard at that time about “revival” being a “season of reintroduction”): “Revival is a time where God reintroduces himself, exposes you more to your next assignment, and gives you insights to conquer that next level.” As it turns out, it actually was a year of reintroduction, but in many ways not at all how I would have even began to predict or understand January 1. I think that is a fun part of this journey… sometimes what you think at the onset is not how it ends up.  

What we can count on is that 2020 will be an adventure! Have a terrific wrap to your week everyone!  

*adapted post from prior years.