To Serve well

Serving with Excellence for a Life of Excellence

Grit

Simple Thoughts Sunday: Boundaries are cool

Lysa Terkeurst spoke Thursday evening at an event I went to and shared a bit about a book she is working on right now. Lysa is the author of several books, but my favorite (and to me a must-read for all), is “The Best Yes.” It is always relevant for me and I think for most people.

She shared that she is working on the topic of “boundaries.” At first I thought, “I’m glad to be here, but that doesn’t really apply to me,” but when she shared the thought above I had to re-think my position. “Who HAVE I given level 10 access to who perhaps hasn’t even earned level 3? Who has access to my full energy and passion and does it even make sense?” (Especially in context of the information overload most of us have these days and the need to protect our energy and focus.)

So, whether it’s your boss, parents, siblings, in-laws, friends… who or perhaps even what have you given “level 10 access” to in your thoughts and/or actions? Level 10 as in the ability to take over your thoughts and drives your actions. Is there anyone or anything, that has this high access, but honestly they don’t deserve it? For one reason or another, they haven’t earned your full trust, or perhaps, their actions haven’t lined up as someone that always has your best interests at heart and aligns with your values and the legacy you hope to leave during your life.

To me, of her examples, the workplace experiences resonate the most. I can think of times in my life when I gave an inappropriate amount of mind and heart power to someone who frankly hadn’t earned it whatsoever. All in some type of ego-driven need to get approval. Why in the world do we do this? (Of course the harder ones are family. We automatically often give our family level 10, when (I can speak personally) that not in all seasons do even they deserve this level…)

I was thankful that in a room of over 2,000 women (and maybe a handful of men), Lysa spoke often of the importance of good counsel, friends and professional therapy when needed. The need to normalize mental health and the truth that every single one of us at one time or another need someone other than ourselves to navigate life was and is a needed and clear message. My guess is that her new work on healthy boundaries will be a best seller, as no matter what generation we find ourselves in, we can all use fresh thinking such as this on developing our best selves.

I can assure you that I will make it a practice now when I find myself overthinking a conversation or letting my mind otherwise go down a discontented path, to consider if whoever is bringing me to this place should indeed have this level of access. If I’m honest, I think I just might find some of these thoughts to not be worth my energy and that my level of “response” so to speak, should be at a much lower level due to the source. Here’s to more strong boundaries… higher energy, better relationships and living out our purpose with grace and badassery.

Have the best week ahead!

The power in our first waking thoughts

“For many of us, our first waking thought of the day is, ‘I didn’t get enough sleep.'”

Brene Brown, The Gifts of Imperfection

How many of us wake up and think, “I’m still tired, I better stay here a bit longer,” or “I can work out later,” or “I have a big day, and need the energy so I’ll just hit snooze again.?”

I’m totally in that group. Those who study human behavior call this “scarcity” thinking, as in, we aren’t waking up with a focus first on the positive but with a notion of lack. Alternative would be: “I am healthy. I am so blessed to wake up and have a purpose.”

You get the picture. I am TOTALLY feeling this one.

In the book I quoted from above, the “not enough” thinking seems to saturate us early and often. Not enough exercise, work, money, power, time off, weekends, etc. “Before we even sit up in bed, we’re inadequate, behind…already lacking something.” We end the same way, thinking about what we didn’t get to. Ugh! Why do we do that? According to Brene, “We each have the choice in ANY SETTING to step back and let go of the mindset of scarcity. Once we let go of scarcity, we discover the surprising truth of sufficiency…a knowing that there IS ENOUGH, and THAT WE ARE ENOUGH.”

We should all pay attention to our thoughts. Our ultimate goal is toward “abundant” thinking. Focusing on abundance directs us to think through the good in each situation. Our first thoughts set the course for the day, and can propel us forward or leave us in bed while the world keeps moving. We are far more incredible than we ever give ourselves credit for. We are powerful and strong and even on those days when we feel we cannot be enough, THAT EVEN WILL BE ENOUGH!

I hope that this resonates with you. We should start our days with some bravado and a touch of momentum –– badassery, if you will. We are all gifted and able to bring forth a positive movement for this very day. My prayer is that God will work on our minds and allow us to be all we are intended to be.

Rewind! This is an adapted throwback post that just really spoke to me right now. I hope it does the same for you!

Insights on courage: Powerful learnings from Florence Nightingale

“I attribute my success to this: I never gave or took excuses.”

– Florence Nightingale

These words are timeless. Accountability is one of Nightingale’s key principles, both for herself and for those she was working alongside to solve the important problems of her time. Here are the others I felt were incredible and worth sharing today:

According to Florence Nightingale, a biography from Cecil Woodham-Smith, SHE…

  • Worked shoulder to shoulder with the team, jumped right in and was eager to help in what seemed like any way, and under any conditions. Her attitude and selfless spirit made the difference!
  • Used her influence to drive critical change. She came from a wealthy family, but she overcame their resistance of her chosen career, then used her network to achieve success.
  • Used real data and questioned it… In doing so, she was able to use this to amplify her message and make decisions.

Her timely reference by Ryan Holiday (see Sunday’s blog) on the topic of courage was a stand out. As a health care leader, I was aware of Ms. Nightingale but hadn’t studied her life. I hope you might find this as helpful as I did. These are powerful reminders to all of us that serving and leaving a legacy of worth requires courage and doing things in a way that is often challenged. (Can you imagine that a woman was actually able to make such and impact at this time in history?) It sometimes doesn’t feel good and often feels like a very uncomfortable hike up a rocky mountain or hillside. I feel that the lessons above give us practical advice for building courage.

Some questions to leave you with on this insight:

  • Is there an opportunity in any part of your world to be more accountable? Are you accepting excuses from yourself or others that are relying on you to be strong and courageous?
  • Is your spirit one that is focused on the team? Are you willing to be uncomfortable to get important work done? (When was the last time you were uncomfortable WITH your team solving big problems?)
  • What is important to you? Have you used your influence, resources or gifts to the best you can to help solve the small and big challenges we face? If not, what can you do today to move in that direction?
  • Are you seeking data and quality information when you are addressing an area that is important to you? Have you asked good questions and been rigorous about ensuring that you have reviewed not just good, but trustworthy information? How can you move past headlines to the root of the issues?

I hope that you will have a WONDERFUL wrap to this week and that you will always find the courage (It’s okay to borrow it from time to time) to do whatever it is that sets your soul on fire.

#HeardOnPeloton: “I make suggestions, you make decisions.”

Many of you know I’m a huge fan of the Peloton bike. It has been the single greatest resource to get me up and moving. The coaches provide me the encouragement I need to maintain continuity and leave every ride better. Last week, this little inspirational “nugget” stopped me in my tracks, and I promptly added it to my notes on my phone. It was destined to be a blog post.

Anyone else find this statement to be profound? The Peloton instructors offer so much more than the physical challenges on the bike. They bring narratives that remind us we star in the show of our life. God knows that we have too many voices shouting (figuratively) to us at what seems like the majority of our days. We also have these quiet nudges that seem to be the most useful. I like to think of these as God prodding me in one direction or another. Others point to the psychology of human behavior; I suspect both are contributors.

Richard H Thaler’s book, “Nudge: Improving Decisions About Health, Wealth, and Happiness,” is actually sitting in my read/re-read stack right this minute. The book has mixed reviews but offers value in pointing to the small and subtle pushes that help guide our choices.

For consideration today: How do we identify and think through these? Are they a call to something greater, or perhaps only a distraction?

Ultimately, I believe most of us, stoics and simple minded humans alike, are trying to optimize life. Who doesn’t want to take these suggestions and end up with something for ourselves and our family? The remarkable nature of the human mind and spirit gives us more latitude here than we likely need. It would be easy to have one or two choices, but freedom is a gift that is also a challenge. In my assessment, we simply have to realize the power of the choices we make. We have to go into each day, each meeting, each activity we start or stop… all of it, with a pre-decision. I’ve written about the concept before, but ultimately the thought, which was coined by Mark Batterson (@markbatterson), revolves around what we decide a head of time. “I am going to push myself today. I am going to have an easy ride. I am going to enter this conversation with a heart full of love. I am going to make a healthy choice for my food intake today.” You get the point. We have a world of options that we take in… we listen for the nudges, and then we decide.

Today, I am making a decision to live out my best life. To go forth slowly while praying earnestly for discernment and wisdom. To consider the nudges, but to be aware that not everything or everyone is in my best interest. I am going to surround myself with wise counsel and people who bring out the best in me. How about you?

Cheering you all on! Have an incredible week and enjoy every hour of these beautiful fall days.

When the student is ready, the teacher appears

One of the most remarkable movies of all time to me has been Karate Kid. Mr. Miyagi and Daniel “son” were the classic student/teacher duo. Mr. Miyagi’s creativity and patience were lessons for all of us on so many levels. But in this blog, to me, it was all about Daniel. He showed a desire to learn… He may have grown inpatient with the manner of which he was taught, but nonetheless, he showed up, was relentless in learning and his outcomes showcased the effort. The ideal example of possibility when we are ready.

One example in the “adulting” phase of life is the many important conversations that need had, or new approaches that need taken as we move toward our best self and best life. The need to dive into our own back story to learn how history and/or context may have shaped our initial thoughts and narrated our early opinion is essential, as it gives us context. This type of learning and the work that goes into it is always worth it in the end, but feels a lot like Daniel’s experience in being asked to “wax on, wax off…”confusing and grueling at times.

Most importantly, this is what I feel is the idea example of the Buddhist principle, “When the student is ready… the teacher appears.” We can only find this type of teacher when we are ready for it. The good news, the universe delivers us up some excellent teachers and they come in the forms of books, podcasts, movies, friends, family, mentors, colleagues, and of course professional help. I so love it when the world shows up for me just when I need it. (Chances are, they were there all along, I just wasn’t ready to listen.)

Is there any area of your life where you are ready for a teacher? You might not even know the answer. I know I want to elevate my financial understanding this year… investment options, etc. I have found that just when I started honing in on that, Twitter has served up some excellent resources and those have resulted in a couple of new books, podcasts etc. The world seems to shine right when you are ready.

If you have any similar examples or stories we’d all love to hear them! I hope that this idea is as useful for you as it has been for me. The old quote showed up in my world a few months ago and I knew I wanted to write about it, and it just keeps showing up. I’m hopeful that just the right person finds this to be a helpful sign at just the right on time!

What stories call you to action?

(Photo courtesy of every other media outlet in America… Thank you, Google.)

This blog title has been on my phone and ready to use for quite some time. It turns out the time is now.

So, what stories call you? I mean, what stories, keep you thinking… they aren’t fleeting, and have staying power. The stories from the past that you share with mentees, children, colleagues, friends? The stories that light a fire and capture your imagination? Both types create life and those stories are what bring us together. In telling our stories, we are able to share what we’ve learned, bring laughter, healing and meaning to others. In hearing a story that ignites a flood of hope and makes us want to jump in, we are compelled to act.

If you haven’t yet heard Amanda Gorman’s poem, “The Hill We Climb,” that she read at the inauguration last week, stop what you are doing and watch. After that, spend some time researching her story. I didn’t see any other part of the events on Inauguration Day yet, but a clip on Twitter left me wanting more. I found myself sending it to my tribe and running to Amazon to order her upcoming books. It left me with such hope for this coming generation, that I felt a wave of relief wash over me. Amanda Gorman represents what is good and what is the America that I know and love. I know I’m only one of many new fans* of Ms. Gorman. I hope the message she shared sits with our country for eternity. The multiple messages speak to life in general and to a nation’s opportunity ahead. (*She went from a few thousand followers on Twitter to 1.4 million this week –– and 2M new instagram followers, according to Buzzfeed.)

No matter what stories call you to action, it is helpful to identify them. Are there themes? Your dad’s classics? A story of how someone helped you grow? A story of a prayer warrior that inspired you to know the value of praying for others? Themes perhaps of humor, purpose, inspiration? Tell those stories. Share them early and often. Take time to honor new ones in the mix. Stories are how we learn. Every worthy book, ancient and new, brings us to the table through story. Stories call us to action and, like Gorman’s beautiful reciting of meaningful words, give us hope and meaning. What could be better?

Here’s to a wonderful week ahead! So thankful for the Kansas City Chiefs and their AMAZING game Sunday and the spirit of our great city.

Simple Thoughts Sunday: Let us run

“Let us Run.” This has always been one of my favorite scriptures because to me it brings action to mind. If you need a reminder…

“Let us run with patience the race that is set before us.”

Hebrews 12:1

I am not a runner, but wish I was. I do, however, identify with the idea that in order to truly live that we have to get up and move forward, regardless of what is going on.

At work, I have the honor of working with seniors. I love them. Just this week I was talking with some of our patient ambassadors and they were sharing stories of their lives, including struggles with diabetes, cancer, family, etc. Their unified message was that you have to get up and move. They also shared about the faith and friends that have provided them strength during their “race.”

That had me thinking, that the first part of this scripture, is often not quoted… This part from my perspective fills in the key part of the truth.

“Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And, let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us.”

Did you get that “surrounded” part? Envision a stadium – better yet, ARROWHEAD – where the loudest fans in the world are supporting you. Put yourself on the field and throw out any excuses, pain and discomfort, and make a decision to move forward in FAITH. You have a universe cheering you on no matter what position life has you in today.

This is a throw back post from 2018 that just felt right. I hope you enjoyed it!

Did you know you don’t have to jump on every train of thought?

This was a useful reminder for me and perhaps it will be for you as well. I love this idea that I heard recently, “we don’t have to jump on every train of thought.” 

According to google the tendencies of our mind are powerful by sheer number. From the web:

Tendencies of the mind

It was found that the average person has about 12,000 to 60,000 thoughts per day. Of those thousands of thoughts, 80% were negative, and 95% were exactly the same repetitive thoughts as the day before.

Wow… those are a lot of thoughts –– no wonder I’m tired. My mind seems to always be working … running from thought to thought. On top of that, these thoughts lead to a trail of distractions that impact us all, taking us off of one “train” and shifting us to another often before we realized what happened. Did we even have time to grab our bags so you speak before we relocated our thoughts and actions? (Research shows it takes 2-5 minutes to get refocused after we get off track.) 

And then we take this to a new level and we come head to head with do I even want to be on the train I find myself on? Why do I even care what he or she thinks or why am I even looking at those (cars… clothes… shoes) when I’m already stretched on my budget. Heck… how did I even get this thought into my head that I should search this?

An important reminder today to guard your thought life. It’s the most powerful part of our days and being on the trains that take us to beautiful destinations and lead us to places of growth are two terrific places to start. 

Where do you want to end up?

(Throwback! This post feels so relevant right now as many of us are going back to work or have family starting school!)

Pretty much wherever you want to end up, it will require you put your most comfortable shoes (and frame of mind) on. Comfortable and fun go a long way!

I believe it’s important to have a plan to achieve whatever it is we are hoping to go after personally, in our community, at work and at home as we try to answer these questions…

Where do you want to end up this week?
This month?
This semester?
This year?
During your 20s, 30s, 40s, 50s, etc.?
During your life time?

Intention and design are the two key terms for me.

First, identifying what I “intend” to do (think: get leaner, eat more greens, call my parents more often, send more handwritten notes, hit my Q4 work goals, etc.). Second, design a plan to ensure that I achieve that “end game” goal (carve out time every Sunday to make those calls, try Pilates, start my days an hour earlier, etc.). To me, the design plan is the most important and also can be the most fun. There are so many ways to get to the same place, and we have the opportunity to make it fun.

What can we do differently to add a bit of whimsy into our days? Instead of that lunch, what about a stroll through the market? Instead of a plane, how about a train for that family long weekend holiday?

Would love your ideas and inspiration!

Simple Thoughts Sunday: You are a badass

(Throwback! I’m throwing it back to a post from 2017 that just felt right for this weekend!)

When I made this connection, I had to share it with you.

Let’s face it, life can be tough. I was greatly encouraged to have someone point out to me the biblical reminder that I am indeed a badass –– and so are you!

As you start this week, remember, that you can get up and stand up. God created us to be courageous and brave and He gave us the tools to confront our lives with greatness! (Peace, Grace, Love – the list goes on.)

A short thought for the day, but super powerful! Have an amazing week!