To Serve well

Serving with Excellence for a Life of Excellence

Lift Others Up

Love, admiration and respect: All relationship “must haves”

I just had to address this topic. You see, I had dinner with a friend last week and we were talking about our young men/women and relationships.

This is not the first conversation about this same topic that I’ve had in the past few years. I guess I’m at the age where the next phase of our kids’ lives could include a trip down the aisle. If you have younger kids, pay close attention. The conversation on intentional parenting, aunt-ing, grandparent-ing, etc. is worth it right now.

(Photo creds: Canva)

As you know, I read a lot. And soon, I’ll have 5 decades under my belt. Using Oprah’s popular lead in, “one thing I know for sure” is we need to be in relationships where we are loved deeply, admired and perhaps above all respected.

Most relationship experts say respect is a core need, particularly strong for a man, but also important for a woman. My grandparents backed this up. I once asked them their secret to marriage and they both said respect: “We may have disagreements, but we always keep them for after the event, and sit at the kitchen table until we resolve them — never taking our disagreements public.”

While men may have a top need for respect, women need to be admired and that means acknowledging often so there is no question she is adored.

I think we are in a little bit of a crisis. Sure, I think most get the whole love thing. What seems to be missing is the time and attention necessary to build and show admiration, adoration and respect. We need to up the game early so that our young children understand just how important this is. Being in a relationship with someone that leaves you at a party to hang with their friends, doesn’t invest time in tender conversations, doesn’t want to spend time with your friends/family… I could go on, if you can’t tell. All are things I’ve heard and have seen lately.

Folks, please don’t blow this off. We have an entire generation that perhaps hasn’t seen this modeled well. TV and movies probably make it worse. If we want them to have successful relationships it is going to be because we invested our energy into making sure they both know they need it, what it looks like and how to give it in the best possible ways.

Bridges and friendships

(Photo Creds: Canva)

I sure do like the idea of this. I heard it on a podcast and it got me thinking that some of my most long lasting friendships have come from doing something like this.

When my good friends Susie and Sid Womack relocated to Kansas City from Texas, I hosted a Super Bowl party so they would feel welcome. That small effort changed my world and the world of my boys. Susie introduced us to Pine Cove which has been a life-changing factor in all of our lives and likely will for generations. Sid spoke into the lives of my boys, and I will forever be grateful. It was pretty much all thanks to a pot of chili, and a few friends that showed up.

I haven’t done this in awhile with anyone new. Most days I feel like I’m doing good to see my closest friends and family a few times a year. This idea has me thinking where a bridge is needed. I hope this sparks your thinking…

If you read this blog a lot I’d love to start here: I’d love to invite you to our new home and put on a pot of chili and talk life. Let me know if you are in and I’ll make it happen. A little groupthink may make us all better!

Capturing our best thinking… “THE” FLOW

I love coffee shops! That is where I do my best thinking… specifically, Black Dog coffeehouse in Lenexa. A bit off of my normal, beaten path, it’s just the perfect hideaway to get the “juices” flowing.

My second choice would be a good walk through trails or any place with an abundance of nature – the trees and creek types are my favorite.

There has been much written and researched on the concepts of “creative thinking” and just how we humans enter a state of “flow.” A place in our minds where we can really feel the ideas rolling.

Susan K. Perry, PhD and Social psychologist, speaks about the “busy mind: fragmented,  unfocused, distracted, too many things on your mind.” Sound familiar? The opposite of which is “THE” FLOW that I am characterizing. According to Perry, “FLOW: loose, relaxed and focused.” My guess is that many of us need to be able to get into this “FLOW” state more often in order to bring our best work.

Experts say that we can indeed achieve this state by facilitating certain conditions that optimize our thinking, offer a quality of awareness and creative expression. Here are 5 ideas that may help you achieve “FLOW” and produce your best work. (RE: Myrko Thum)

  1. Direct your Focus ACTIVELY – Direct it to what you want to achieve… Take the focus OFF of the not so good. (This includes environmentally setting yourself up to succeed, minimizing interruptions)
  2. Choose your most important task – Concentrate fully on the one thing that is most important at the moment
  3. Focus all of your attention with intensity as your task. (Again, no interruptions, cell phone out of the way, etc.)
  4. Do it for a set amount of time – 30+ minutes. Flow cannot happen in an instant.
  5. Stay with the task until it is finished. This will help you to feel accomplished and desire to get back into the “FLOW” or “ZONE” for the next task at hand.

The bottom line is that training your mind to develop a sharp metal focus is a key skill for success and self improvement and peak performance.

Go all in and OPTIMIZE THIS WEEK!

It is not the critic that counts; it is the man in the arena… Battling it out… Doing the work…

(Photo creds: Canva)

Don’t you love how something said in 1910 is still true today? You may not be familiar with this speech, so please read it. It’s terrific. It resonates with me considering how our world today seems to be infiltrated with sideline judges.

Granted, most of us do what we can, jump in where we see a need, vote on issues that are important, etc. But we can easily fall victim to those “judges” often hiding behind computer screens. These are the “Monday morning quarterbacks” reporting on how we “should” have navigated whatever the trials of the day may be… Hurricane preparations, actual game day errors, conversations that should have taken a different direction, etc… What we need are those that call out what was done WELL! To focus on what we really desire… EXCELLENCE.

I just LOVE the idea and ACTION of GRIT, of working it out with blood, sweat and yep, tears at times. The key words of GREAT DEVOTIONS, WORTHY CAUSE, DARING GREATLY… are STRONG, RESILIENT, LIFE GIVING, ENERGETIC, and IMPORTANT.

Step into an ongoing effort to build a WORLD OF ENCOURAGEMENT… In your home, work place, school, community… and GET ENGAGED with the GREAT WORK OF BUILDING AN EVEN GREATER WORLD!

“Make a dent in the universe”

(Photo Creds: We Heart It…Thanks to everyone who posted amazing eclipse photos!  So much fun!)

I couldn’t let this historical moment go by and not mention the idea above. When the universe shows us how intricate and truly cool it is, I think we should pay attention.

I believe that we all have a role to play in this one world and life of ours and although we can feel pretty small when set against the vastness of the world and it’s many needs and opportunities, we can indeed make our “dent.” Steve’s quote was in regard to entrepreneurs, but I would challenge you that we are all to make our “dent.”

So, as you wrap up your week and the final days of August, the challenge is that we all consider if we are making the “dent” that we want to. If not, why not? What steps can we take to move toward that goal?

I hope that you will think both BIG and small. We need BIG thinking to address some of our current challenges and small steps will get us there!

Great conversations: A template for 1-on-1 talks

(Photo Creds: We Heart It)

(I want to note that if you don’t happen to have kids, the ideas in this post could pretty much be used in any conversation with someone you care about… I hope you find it helpful!)

As a mom, I am always mindful of ways to be better in that role. As the boys get older, I find this more challenging. I want to be someone they can always trust to listen to their heart (without judgement), but someone who they know will also spur them along toward God’s gifting in their lives.  This can be done through encouragement, brainstorming the “possibilities” together and even rebuke and course-correction.

I’d have to say I’m not so good at the latter. I find it challenging given the different personality types knowing just how to approach certain topics, while honoring how they think and digest information. I long for the spirit of a great teacher or coach who knows just how to train and get the best out of their students.

Every summer of the boys’ younger years we went to an amazing family camp, Pine Cove in Tyler, Texas. Beyond the family excitement part, the best part for me was getting great training on parenting and leadership in the home. The parents had an opportunity to hear world-class speakers who spent a portion of each day speaking into us and giving us ideas on how to grow as a parent. I have found that since we aged out of camp, so to speak, a couple of years ago that it has been helpful for me to sit down for a week in the summer and maintain this focus, which is where this blog was birthed.

Through reading, scripture and conversation, I made this list of  questions or conversation starters that could be used as a template for these 1-on-1 discussions.

The idea here is to focus on soul questions:

  • How are you?
  • What are you seeing? Are you on the path you want to be on?
  • What do you think life is teaching you right now?
  • What are you learning?
  • Where do you want to travel? What do you have planned that is “fun” and filling of the soul?
  • What are you reading?
  • What are you living for?
  • What gets in the way?
  • How can I best help/encourage/inspire/support you?

This I hope gives you a list to start from. I’d love to hear what others you have!

Hello August!

(Photo Creds: We Heart It!)

Happy August ya’ll!

I don’t know about you, but July was both super long and also fleeting. I always have a bit of anxiety when July ends, because August seems to rush in with back to school and a lot of competing agendas in the workplace, community etc.

I always seem to be holding tight to the invisible rope attaching me to longer summer days and cancelled meetings due to vacation schedules. Summer is just a bit easier. August means we need to start the process of putting our game face back on and get fired up to make the last half of the year count! I’m ready – perhaps a little reluctantly! How about you?

So, here are some thoughts I have as we set ourselves up for GREAT SUCCESS in the last five months of 2017:

I think we need to start with a strong game plan. Not a multi-point strategic document, but a handful or less of key “must haves” for you to feel like you slayed the year in the best possible way.

Here’s my #1: Go BIG on PHYSICAL AND SPIRITUAL WELLNESS. Keep this top of mind, force it in my schedule, focus on my spiritual life, stop eating s***,  exercise more, challenge myself, renew my commitment to discipline in all things in this category… (Here’s the thing – I can’t do what I need and want to do without amazing health and energy, so it has to be #1)

Others on the list…

Stay focused on my “50 year” plan. That little document I put together to identify the 13 things I want to do this year leading up to my  big “50” in March… Let’s just say I’ve got some work to do.

Career growth. I launched a health care strategy company in May and need to get laser focused on where God wants this to go. It has a different “feel” or rhythm than my career so far, so I need to get in the “flow” of this new world!

Parenting. This is always a top priority because I want to be the best mom in whatever stage the boys are at. As they get older and they begin to take on this whole “adulting” thing, I need intention and guidance on how to step up in the best way possible. It’s always top of mind.

I think I have a few others, but the intent is to get you started with your “short” list this week. Let’s make every day count. I hope you’re reading this on a beach or lake somewhere and still soaking up summer. I pray it’s been ridiculously restoring and if not, that you figure out a way to carve out some time before the days shorten.

Always cheering you on!

– Lori

“Go up to the plate and get mad”

“One of the great oddities of baseball: success is relative. A hitter who fails 70 percent of the time at the plate is a potential member of the National Baseball Hall of Fame, and many World Championship teams lost more than 70 games during their title winning seasons.” – Don Yaeger (American Sports Journalist, Author and Motivational speaker)

Before I decided to write a blog post on the value of base hits, I hadn’t really done the research. My idea was to chat about the importance of “getting up to the plate.”

Although I knew that a good batting percentage was in the “300s” I didn’t really think about it as the insight above illustrates. (The actual 2015 average of the top batters was .322. That said, a 32% rate is VERY GOOD!) True, we do need to get up to the plate, but I think perhaps more importantly is framing our success.

Who ever came up with these unwritten rules about the need to win all of the time, and even to have more victories than failures? Perhaps it’s innate, or perhaps it’s driven into the culture through the grading system in childhood and via little league titles, dancing recital titles, music “chairs,” etc. All said, a 68% failure rate (I prefer “miss rate”) may be just what we need to reframe our success.

Let me be clear, I am not one of the parents who feels every kid should get a trophy or a blue ribbon. In fact, I think we do a huge disservice to our children and ourselves when we do so.  I do however believe that succeeding in life is better defined by baseball percentages than being the top of the class/team (insert your favorite blue ribbon goal).

Here’s why:

As the world accelerates (as we talked about last week), we need to be prepared to test and learn quickly. While our parents and grandparents generally worked at a company for their entire career, today’s world will almost certainly mean multiple jobs and multiple required skill sets. In order to find out where you excel, getting up to bat is important.   It really doesn’t matter your age, there is so much that life has to offer if you are willing to step up to the plate and give it a try and realize success can be measured in many ways.

“There’s only one way to become a hitter. Go up to the plate and get mad. Get mad at yourself and mad at the pitcher.” (Ted Williams, Boston Red Sox “The Greatest Hitter who Ever Lived” self-proclaimed, but one of the best for sure!)

While I don’t love Mr. Williams’ “get mad” comments, I totally can feel that vibe. We do need to instill a BIT OF PASSION behind our work and personal goals and desires. Today, I hope you’ll give some thought to where you need to GET UP TO BAT…

Try a new restaurant or a food you’ve never liked before

Explore a new city, near or far… Fort Scott anyone?

Try a new hobby… grab the ingredients for that recipe you’ve been wanting to try …

Schedule that lunch you’ve been avoiding…

Sign up for that class…

Ask that person you admire to mentor you…

Go be a MENTOR to someone in your community you know could use your inspiration…

Heck, change your whole career… (after prayer and discernment of course…)

An accelerating world… Making THIS summer count by learning

(Photo Creds: Canva)

I am reading one DEEP BOOK (Hint: You should be reading it, too).

Some of you may be familiar with Thomas L. Friedman, who also wrote the famous book, “The World is Flat.” He also has won three Pulitzer Prizes for his work with the New York Times. He’s a genius and his style is a bit refreshing. It’s not for the faint of heart, but I’ll do my best to make it required reading in my house and in my circle, (hint: In the house, that means there will be bribes).

So, here’s the thing: I hope you’ll stay with me on this “deeper than normal” writing for this week.

As you may have picked up, I’m HUGE on innovation. I am even bigger on life long learning… reading, listening, whatever I can get my hands on to grow as a person. Here’s the thing… it’s summer. If you have kids of any age, they probably have some down time. This would be a REALLY great time to begin to explore with them how this WORLD is moving and to help steer them in the right direction. I’m afraid we don’t have the answers because this world is markedly different. What we DO have are great resources such as this, and with a bit of effort we can MAKE THIS SUMMER COUNT in helping the younger generation grasp and grow and take FULL ADVANTAGE.

I’m not even halfway done with this book as it requires really understanding, taking time to soak it in. Here are the key points so far and why I decided it was so important to get it in writing now:

  1. The world is changing so fast we cannot even begin to understand. Since 2007, a mere decade ago, our lives have been upended and are each year by a pace that we cannot even define. The three largest forces  -technology, globalization, climate change – on the planet are accelerating all at once which requires that our societies, communities, etc. be reimagined.
  2. We should consider having “no limits on our curiosity” about learning different disciplines and how the advent of the internet and the “cloud” have literally OPENED the FLOODGATES into what is possible and who can achieve what. The three possible ways to look at the world sounded reasonable:
    – “Inside the box” thinking
    – “Outside the box” thinking and the best one…
    – “Where there is no box” – of course this is the world we live in today
  3. Consider how the world is becoming interdependent… Technology can connect us to one another in ways not imaginable a few years ago. Case in point is AirBNB, which now connects any renter to any tourist or business personal anywhere on the planet… The platform build had an infrastructure that supported BUILDING TRUST so you could rate one another, etc. This is one small example.

I hope this gives you a SPARK of INTEREST to consider going DEEPER THIS SUMMER for the sake of a better WORLD. It is entertaining also, I promise! The generations that follow will thank you!

Another quote from the book I loved… it happened to be at the start of chapter one, which is likely why I jumped in so fast:

“Nothing in life is to be feared, it is only to be understood. Now is the time to understand more, so that we may fear less.” Marie Curie

This sucks… The reason why we need to call out bad days

Okay let’s be honest today. Some moments, some days – and it seems some months – just aren’t what we “had in mind.”

You know the internal narrative… “I didn’t sign up for this (fill in the blank…) life, relationship, job, health condition, weather, home repair, increased rent,” you name it. We all know it’s inevitable to have these moments, so I just thought we should call it out and and consider what we can do with moments like this.

If we are in the business of creating a life of excellence, of serving others and ourselves well, we must acknowledge, learn and move on.

As I approach 50 years, I would say all three are important and all three are a state of mind. We truly need to claim the rainy day that dampened the party and also the “all out” chaos moments. We then make a decision about whether we’re going to allow those times to own us or if we are going to just smile and realize life is giving us a gift. A gift of reserving our energy, a gift of a lesson, a gift of grace under pressure.

As you go through your week, I hope that you will realize it’s all part of getting to the point of true joy. We mix the good and the bad and the great and the “this plain sucks,” and then miraculously it weaves into this beautiful life that we have been given to bless others and create an amazing world.